Giant Chicken Invasion

CHAPTER ONE
It seemed be a normal day in Littleville. The sun was shining brightly. A warm, pleasant breeze came from the west. The trees swayed gently in the wind. A few squirrels scurried across the ground. Some birds chirped peacefully. But not all of the birds were peaceful.
In the sky, several clouds floated by. They appeared to be different objects. One looked like a smiling face. Another seemed to resemble an unpleasant monster. A cloud shark appeared to be chasing a cloud fish overhead. Some clouds looked like profiles of Washington or Lincoln. But many of them only looked like bushes. There were formations of whipped cream, mashed potatoes, snow mounds, cotton balls, wadded up paper, spilled milk, and various other shapes floating by in the sky. A cat cloud was slowly following a mouse cloud. Some of the clouds were similar, but they were all different. In fact, there was one cloud there which was nothing like any of the others.
At first glance, this cloud looked normal. It had the same fluffy appearance. But if anyone had been watching it closely, they would have soon realized that this cloud was doing something that no other cloud could do. This cloud could move against the wind. It looked eerily unnatural as it moved through the sky. It cut through the other clouds like a ship speeding over an ocean. It continued on its own path and disregarded what the other clouds were doing. It didn’t seem real. That’s because it wasn’t.
If a person could see through this cloud, they would find that it wasn’t a cloud at all. It was just a clever smokescreen which surrounded a large, round object inside. This object was white, smooth, and oval shaped in appearance. It would have looked like a giant egg in the sky without its cloud covering. It was watching the world below intently as it slowly floated by.
“Chicken!”
Dean heard the voice yelling behind him. But he still kept on running.
“What’s the matter? Are you chicken?” The voice called to him again.
Dean ignored the taunts behind him. He would have been willing to fight, if the fight had been fair. But he would have had to face Bruno and he didn’t think that he could win against that bully. That kid was bigger, older, and stronger than him. Dean thought that he had to make use of the one advantage he did have. At least he was faster.
“You chicken!” Bruno shouted.
Dean thought that the older boy would have given up chasing him by now. He looked back through the woods and couldn’t see the bully any more. But he didn’t want to take any chances. So he kept on running.
Suddenly, he saw an opportunity to fool his pursuer. Dean spied several large bushes by the trail ahead. All he had to do was to just hide in one and Bruno would never find him. He felt like a coward, but he went ahead with this plan anyway. He was so sure that he would not be seen that he found it difficult to refrain from giggling as the bully ran down the trail.
“Chicken!” Where are you? Chicken!” The older boy yelled. He ran only a few feet from where Dean was crouching.
The younger boy watched as Bruno disappeared into the distance. Lucky for me that he’s as dumb as he is tough, he thought.

While walking home, Dean saw his friend, Paul. The two shared a class together at school. Although they were about the same age, there were many differences between them. Dean was often very emotional at times and never hesitated to give his opinion. Paul was quieter and usually kept his ideas to himself. Despite these differences, the two still did a lot together.
Paul noticed that Dean’s pants were a little muddy.
“Where have you been?” Crawling through the woods?” He asked.
Dean told him about his run-in with Bruno. “”I don’t know what I’ve done, but for some reason that guy is really out to get me. But what can I do? This isn’t the first time something like this has happened. I seem to attract bullies. I can’t stop them from picking on me.”
“Gee, Dean, I don’t know what to tell you.” Paul replied. “No one ever seems to push me around.”
Dean looked at is friend closely. Paul was nearly four inches taller than he.
“That’s it! Of course!” He exclaimed. “No one bothers you simply because you look like you can take care of yourself. My problem must be that I don’t look tough enough.” He stood on his toes for a few seconds. “Maybe I should get taller shoes.”
“That’s not it.” Paul said. “I think that you should avoid guys like Bruno whenever you can. The less he sees of you, then the less he can bother you.”
“Well, that won’t be easy.” Dean responded. “Since I have him in my class and he sees me wherever I go at school, I don’t know if I can do that. Maybe I should just transfer to another class…in another country!”
The two boys then went over to Dean’s house to play some video games.
“Wait ‘til you see this one,” He remarked. “I bet you’ve never seen anything like it!”
Paul played the game with him. It was similar to many games he’d played before. It involved warriors who had to battle their way past various monsters in order to save a princess or find a treasure at the end. One of the monsters they had to face was a giant chicken.
“This is so unreal.” Paul commented.
“But that’s what I like about it.” Dean said. “None of this could ever happen in real life, so that’s what makes it all the more interesting to me.”
He smelled an odor coming from the kitchen. He didn’t know what it was, but he liked it.
“Hey, Mom! What’s for dinner?” Dean yelled.
“Chicken!” A female voice replied.
Mrs. Morse glanced at the meat in her oven. Small drops of moisture slowly trickled down the sides of the bird. She thought about how it looked like such a nice, juicy meal. She licked her lips slowly as she imagined how it would taste in her mouth.
“I like chicken.” Paul said.
“You do?” Dean asked. “Well, maybe you can stay over for dinner with us. How would that sound to you?”
“That would be great.”
“Mom! Can Paul stay over for dinner?” Dean called to the kitchen.
“He can if it’s alright with his parents, dear.” He heard her say. “That’s it, then. Just call home from here and get permission.”
“Gee, thanks, Dean. You’re a good friend.” Paul smiled.
As his friend went to use the telephone, Dean switched off the game and started watching the television. He saw various pictures of food on the screen and they started making him hungry.
I like chicken. I like to eat their legs. I like to eat their breasts. Maybe I should call the local chicken restaurant and ask them, “How large are your breasts?”
He laughed to himself. Sometimes it was fun just to think about doing things when he knew that he’d never really have the nerve to pull off a stunt like that.
Dean started using the remote to flip through the channels. Everywhere he looked, there seemed to be something about birds.
He briefly watched a cartoon about a giant rooster and a dog. The rooster talked with kind of a stutter in his voice. He and the dog would get into all sorts of arguments and fights.
The boy switched stations. There was some movie about the future on. A man had a giant chicken on a leash. He was chasing another man who had stolen a huge banana from his garden.
Next, Dean watched a children’s show. A seven-foot tall yellow bird was the star. Although he often said silly things, he appeared to have a great amount of intelligence for a bird, at least. The giant feathered creature was accepted by the people of his neighborhood like he was any other normal guy.
He changed channels again. This show appeared to be some kind of horror movie. A large flock of birds was attacking humans. The feather fiends caused an auto accident and a fire at a gas station soon erupted. Soon, everyone in town was trying to get away from them. I guess you could say, “Birds of a feather slay together.”
The next channel had an equally creepy movie. A young woman was being stalked by some kind of hawk. This was no ordinary bird. He must have been about eight feet tall. The predator kept swooping down at his prey. The lady tried to run, but she appeared to be trapped in a corner. Suddenly, the hawk grabbed her with his sharp talons. The woman screamed hysterically as the bird flew off with her into the sky.
The next station had a more humorous situation. A fat guy in a tuxedo with a top hat was battling a masked superhero. The well dressed villain tried to subdue his foe by shooting some type of knockout gas from an umbrella weapon.
There was another strange movie playing when he pushed the button again. A man was being subjected to some kind of strange experiment. The poor fellow was strapped down into a chair with a lot of wires coming out of it. However, he was not being executed. Instead, his skin started becoming flaky. His nose began to transform into a beak. Feathers were sprouting all over his body.
Paul walked into the room.
“It’s all set. I can stay for dinner.” He said. “What’s on TV?”
“Oh, nothing.” Dean replied casually.
The movie was interrupted by a commercial. A singing, dancing, animated chicken was extolling the virtues of Aunt Mae’s chicken products.
“Aunt Mae’s Chicken! Aunt Mae’s Chicken! Get yourself a’ licking…Aunt Mae’s Chicken! The chicken worth picking… Aunt Mae’s Chicken Get yourself the best… for chicken that’s fresh…Get Aunt Mae’s Chicken today!”
Aunt Mae’s Chicken was, in fact, a prominent local company. Its processing plant in town employed hundreds of people. Every year, millions of chickens were processed by the plant and sent out to places all over the world. The company had had a strong sales record over the past few years and looked toward expanding in the future.
This business had been started by a man named Thomas Greasy about eighty years ago. He had chosen the name “Aunt Mae’s Chicken” simply because it sounded more appealing than “Greasy’s Chicken.” In fact, there was no Aunt Mae. She was only a character created by a marketing firm in order to sell chicken. There were rumors that she was based upon Greasy’s own aunt, Margaret Greasy. However, there was no evidence that this was ever actually true.
At this particular time, one of Aunt Mae’s delivery trucks was heading toward the processing plant in Littleville. The drivers had completed their rounds for the day and were looking forward to the time when they could go home to their families.
Al was behind the wheel, carefully watching the road. Ed was on the passenger’s side, idly watching the countryside go by. Sometimes, one would say a few words to the other. But for the most part, they remained quiet and just listened to the radio. A novelty song came on. It was called, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” As it played, Ed began to think of chickens.
“You know, I’m thinking about becoming a vegetarian.” He said.
Al shook his head. “Nah, I couldn’t do that.”
“Yes, I really have considered doing it.” Ed continued. “In a way, I can’t help thinking that what we’re doing is wrong. Is it really right to exploit animals this way for our personal consumption? Doesn’t it seem gross to you to chew dead flesh off of a skeleton which was once a living, breathing creature?”
Al shook his head. “Nah, I don’t think that way at all. I believe that you can believe what you want to believe, just as long as others don’t have to believe in what you believe. Live and let live, I always say. Why, I love chicken! I couldn’t give it up even if I wanted to.”
He started talking with a sly tone in his voice. “In fact, sometimes when I eat them…I pretend…that they are still…alive! Flapping helplessly as they enter my mouth!”
“Ugh!” Ed groaned.
Al could see that the other man was becoming sickened by his description of eating. He chuckled.
“Don’t worry, buddy. They won’t bite you if you bite them first!”
The truck drove past the entrance to Aunt Mae’s chicken, a sign by the road read, “The Best Picking is Aunt Mae’s Chicken.”
Ernest Hemington loved to hunt. He had hunting in his blood. His father had been a hunter, as was his grandfather and great-grandfather and so on way back to the first time when the first caveman picked up his first rock. As far as he was concerned, hunting was always a way of life for him and it always would be. It didn’t even matter that he had seven daughters but no sons. He had taught all of the girls how to shoot just as well as any boys. He even remarked that this skill might even come in handy when they were hunting for husbands. Supposedly, no man would ever mistreat a lady if he saw how good she was with a weapon.

Yes, Hemington had a hunter’s eyes, a hunter’s trigger finger, a hunter’s ears, a hunter’s patience, a hunter’s determination, a hunter’s instinct, a hunter’s blood, and many other characteristic a hunter needed to be successful. He was a hunter’s hunter in every sense of the word.
At this time, he was out in some nearby woods, hunting as usual. Sometimes, he hunted ducks. However, in order to hunt ducks, a hunter usually needs a dog to fetch them so he can catch them. Hemington’s dog had passed away recently and he had not taken the time to buy another one yet. He would soon find out what a grave mistake he had made.
Hemington was out looking for a buck. No, he wasn’t trying to find money. He wanted to shoot a deer with large horns so that he could cut off the head, stuff it, and hang it on the wall next to all of his duck heads, squirrel heads, rabbit heads, and mouse heads.
He had been out in the woods for nearly an hour now. The place was so quiet that one could have heard an Internet stock drop out there. A few birds flew over his head, but he wasn’t interested in those. He really had no plans to raise his gun for anything besides his intended target. Unfortunately for him, but fortunately for the deer, he had not seen anything yet.
The hunter walked slowly through the woods. He kept looking left and right for any possible prey.

“Crack!” Suddenly, he heard a noise. He thought that it came from behind him. He turned around, but saw nothing. Hemington had hoped to find another hunter whom he could chat with, but he had been unsuccessful. There were other hunters out there, but he didn’t see them and they weren’t talking to him.
“Must’ve been a rat!’ The hunter muttered to himself. He continued his walk in an eastwardly direction. The sky was cloudy and he thought that it looked like rain. He noticed that one of the clouds was moving in a different direction from the others. He watched it for a few seconds and then quickly lost interest. Maybe they just have alternating wind currents up there, he thought.
He continued looking for deer. At this point, he would have settled for an opossum or a raccoon. About anything would have saved this day from being a total waste for time. The only thing keeping him out there was the weather, which was very pleasant. If it had been raining, he would have just gone home.
“CRACK!” He heard a noise again. But this time, it was louder. Was someone following him? Hemmington looked in several directions, but he still didn’t see anything.
“Don’t be a stranger!” He yelled into the woods. “Come out, come out, wherever you are!” He really had no idea how much of a stranger he was dealing with.
For the first time in his life, he began to feel a little afraid. He wasn’t sure if someone was stalking him or if he was just letting his imagination play tricks on him. He cocked his rifle and waved it around him.
“I know you’re out there!” He shouted angrily. “So, show yourselves now!”
“Buckbuckbuckaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” A strange voice cackled in the distance. It was like nothing he had ever heard. Now he was becoming totally unnerved. He started running back to where he thought his car was parked. A few branches brushed by his face, but he didn’t care. He just wanted to get out of there.
“Buckbuckbuckaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” He heard the noises again. He couldn’t tell where they were coming from, but they sure sounded louder. Hemington started running faster.
Suddenly, he saw a large shape approaching him. It was in the shade of several trees. It was so dark that he could not identify it. He thought that it might be a bear, but it didn’t look quite like one. Yet he had some idea on what it might be.
“Well, I’ll be damned!” He exclaimed nervously. “I’m going to bag me a Bigfoot!” He slowly raised his gun and aimed carefully.
Hemington was just about ready to pull the trigger. However, before he could fire, something came down hard upon his head. The hunter immediately lost consciousness and fell to the ground.
Two large shadows moved over his body. “Buckbuckbuckaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” They cackled loudly.
Dean was walking down a street. He didn’t know what street it was. However, he was not too worried about getting lost. He felt that he could take care of himself easily enough. What bothered him most was that his stomach kept growling.
“I’m so hungry. I’m so very hungry.” He mumbled to himself. He started dragging his legs as if he were going to fall from exhaustion.
He saw what looked like a restaurant in the distance. He did not recognize the chain, but as long as it served food, it was alright with him.
There were a few cars in the parking lot, but he didn’t see any people. He couldn’t read the sign of the place very well. It read, “Ben Tucky’s Fried…” A large truck covered up the bottom of the sign so he couldn’t see the whole ad.
“As long as it isn’t fried beets, that’s fine with me.” Dean thought to himself as he entered the diner.
He didn’t see anyone inside. The lights were on and the door was unlocked, so he guessed that they must be open anyway.
Dean walked up to the counter. He saw someone moving around, but their back was towards him. The boys waited patiently to be noticed. He thought about what he wanted to order.
“Excuse me, Sir, could I please have some…”
At that moment, the employee suddenly turned around and startled him.
Dean could hardly believe his eyes. The guy behind the counter was a giant chicken! The creature would have looked funny if he didn’t have a mean scowl on his face. The monster had a large beak and was covered with yellow feathers.
“Chicken…Chicken!” That was all that the boy could say. He kept repeating those words in his mind as he stared at the beast in terror.
The chicken suddenly threw a swipe at Dean with his wing. The youngster managed to dodge the blow easily. However, he was still scared out of his wits. He could barely move from where he stood. That is, until he saw what was cooking in the fryer behind the counter.
At first, he had thought that the employees were cooking French fries in hot oil. When he glanced a second time, he realized that he had been terribly mistaken. The deep fat fryer was filled with crispy feet, legs, breasts, ribs, and hands of dead humans!
Dean started to back himself toward the door. He saw another giant chicken behind the counter. The first bird talked to the second bird and the two cackled loudly. He couldn’t understand what they were saying because their speech was just a lot of clucking noises to him. He guessed that they were using some kind of fowl language. When they began to laugh and point at him, he decided to fly the coop.
He quickly turned and headed for the door. However, he ran right into a large mass of feathers. Another giant chicken was blocking his way! Dean escaped the wings of the giant bird and ran through the restaurant looking for another exit. He saw another giant chicken munching happily on a fried human hand. Guess he liked lady fingers.
“Buckbuckbuckaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” They yelled at him.
Dean found another way out and ran through the parking lot. He could see the whole sign of the diner now. It said “Ben Tucky’s Fried Humans.”
“Aaaargh!” He shouted in shock. He now saw giant chickens everywhere. There was a giant chicken female with a large egg in her baby carriage. There was a young punk chicken with feathers dyed purple and a ring in his beak.
The boy watched nervously as the huge birds surrounded him from all sides. He quickly ran into a nearby telephone booth and jammed the door shut.
He put in some money and dialed 911. “Operator! Operator! I’m in deep trouble! Can you get me…”
He stopped talking abruptly. There was nothing but a cackling sound on the end of the line.
“Buckbuckbuckaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!”
The giant chickens had him completely surrounded now. They were scraping the walls of the booth with their talons. They were pecking at the glass. They were screaming excitedly.
“Buckbuckbuckaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” The fowl beasts wailed.
“Help! Help!’ Dean shouted. “Somebody help me, please!”
Suddenly, it was all over. The boy found himself safely in his bed. There were no signs of giant chickens anywhere.
“Whoa!” He sighed with relief. “I hope we have beef today.”
Clarence Simms was a man of the road. For the past two years, he had drifted up and down the highways and byways of America. He was the kind of person who naturally drifted. He would have been a drifter even if he had never left home as he was always moving from one thing to another. To any observer, Clarence looked like he might be drifting on forever. That is, until he started drifting by Littleville that day.
He was walking down the road, looking for a ride. The day was warm and pleasant, so he didn’t mind being out today. However, there didn’t seem to be too many cars out on the road today. He wondered what his chances were of getting a lift.
The man saw a car approaching him. He could see that it was a young woman in a convertible. With a great amount of optimism, he boldly stuck out his thumb.
The car drove right on by.
“She probably wasn’t my type.” He scoffed and continued walking.
The next vehicle was a semi truck. Clarence stuck out his thumb. Maybe this guy will give me a break. The big rig blew on past. And maybe not.
The next truck looked a little strange. It was all black. It looked like a hearse from the 1930’s. Well, I can’t afford to be picky at this point. Anything that has wheels would be fine with me. He gave the hitchhiking sign again.
Amazingly, the truck stopped. As he rushed to catch up with it, he could hardly believe his luck.
He couldn’t see the driver very well. The guy at the wheel was so bundled up with scarves, gloves, and a heavy coat that the hitcher couldn’t tell anything about him.
“Buckbuckbuckaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” The driver mumbled as he pointed to the rear of the van.
“You mean, I can get in back?” Clarence asked. The disguised figure nodded.
He walked to the rear slowly. Maybe I can sleep back there. I’m dying for a nap. Before he could open the latch on the back door, it was opened for him. Before he could scream, two large feathery wings had grabbed him and pulled him in. Several cackling sounds could be heard as the black truck pulled onto the highway.
At this time, officers John Casey and Linda Wills were driving their cruiser through a nearby forest. Ernest Hemington had not returned from hunting and his wife was worried. She called the police and they were on their way.
The cop car weaved along the winding road. The tops of the trees swayed gracefully in the warm breeze. Today is a nice day to go hunting, Casey thought. But sometimes accidents can happen and that’s when we have to be there to protect and to serve.
“This area may be the last place where Ernest was seen.” Casey said as he pointed up the road.
“Look, there’s a car up ahead.” Wills observed.
The cruiser pulled up to the automobile on the side of the road.
“Yes, a white Ford thunderbird.” J.C. remarked. ‘That’s his, all right.”
He stopped the patrol unit and the two officers got out. They didn’t see any immediate signs of foul play, but they kept searching.
Casey and Wills walked into the forest. “Ernest! Ernest!” He called. “If you can hear me, you’re late for lunch!”
They didn’t hear any answer. The woods seemed eerily quiet.
“If his car is still here, he might be hurt.” Wills commented. “This doesn’t look good.”
“I’ll call headquarters.” J.C. replied as he took out his cell phone. “We may need some extra guys to help search this area if he’s injured.”
While Casey talked on the phone, Wills continued to look around.
“Ernest! Ernest!” She shouted. However, no one shouted back. Using a stick, she brushed some leaves away from the trail. Maybe there was some clue as to his whereabouts. A warm wind blew some more of the leaves away. She looked at the ground and was amazed at what she had found.
“Hey, J.C! Take a look at this!” She called to he partner. Casey finished up his message. “Bradley and Maris will be out here soon. What’s up? Did you find anything?”
Wills pointed to the mark on the ground. “It looks like some sort of track.” She remarked.
“But I’ve never seen anything like it before. What could possibly have made it?”
J.C. knelt down by the mark to get a closer look. The creature who made it appeared to have three large toes in front and one toe in the rear.
“If I had seen a photograph of this, I would have guessed that it belonged to some kind of bird.” He commented. ‘But it’s way too big for that. Even the turkey vultures don’t get that big.”
He stood up and chuckled. “Looks like we’ve found our suspect! Now all I have to do is put out an A.P.B on Big Bird.”
“Oh, be serious!” Wills insisted. “This could be important. There’s something funny going on around here.”
“That’s right and the joke’s on us.” Casey said. “I don’t know what or who made those tracks. Maybe it’s the same people who make the Bigfoot prints. Maybe it’s a couple of kids playing in the dirt. Whatever, I just don’t think that they are important. What is important is that we find out what happened to Ernest. I don’t think that these tracks had anything to do with his disappearance.”
Wills took out a camera. “I’d like to take some pictures anyway. Who knows?” It might be some rare creature that no one’s seen before. I’d like to see what made it anyway.” She clicked off a couple of shots of the tracks.
The two policemen resumed their search of the forest. Wills found herself in an area covered by several dense bushes. A warm wind jostled the bushes as she walked past. She thought she heard some kind of rustling sound nearby. Was there some animal lurking in the undergrowth, or was it just the wind again. She felt that she had on reason to be afraid. After all, her partner was only a hundred feet away. However, she couldn’t shake her feelings of doubt and uncertainty. These woods were so quiet, they just seemed creepy.
There was that rustling noise again! Wills turned around, but it was too late. There seemed to be nothing there. Was something watching her out there?
“Ernest! Ernest!” She called out. The officer shouted just to break up the silence of the forest. She wondered what had happened to the hunter out there. Had he been in the same place where she was now? Had he been attacked by something from the bushes? These questions and others started to nag at her.
What was that? It sounded closer this time. Will was a bit nervous, but she didn’t want to call Casey for help. She was certain that she could handle it herself. Why admit any sort of weakness? She kept telling herself that there was no reason to be afraid. She really didn’t know anything she feared. The only things that bothered her were the things she didn’t know anything about. The unknown was more difficult to deal with than a known. She only knew for sure that something was out there and she didn’t know what it was.
Crackle! This time the noise was so close, she could not be mistaken where it was. She thought that some suspicious character was hiding in the bushes, so she immediately drew out her revolver.
“All right, you! This is the police! Come out with your hands up!” Wills demanded as she pointed her gun at the bush.
There was no answer. For a few moments, the forest was silent once again. Suddenly, a large bird swooped up out of the bush toward Wills. It came at her so quickly that she could hardly identify it. She could only guess that it was some type of large chicken hawk. As she lowered her weapon slightly, the bird flew right into her face.
“Aaaaaargh!” She screamed. Wills tried to grab the hawk, but its wings flapped against her head so quickly that she just tried to get out of its way. For a moment, she thought that the bird was tangled in her hair. However, before she could do anything, the hawk broke free and flew into the trees.
“Wills! Are you all right?” Casey called to her from a distance. He ran over to her and arrived just in time to see the large bird disappear into the forest.
“Oh, I’m fine!” She replied. The officer was a little shaken but not stirred by the incident. Wills managed to pick herself off the ground and brush the dirt off. She had a few bruises, a few scratches, but nothing to worry about. The only thing wounded was her pride.
“If you’re going to go bird hunting, you’ve got to bring the right gun.” Casey laughed.
Wills smiled also. She knew that it was foolish to worry about nothing, especially some silly bird!
CHAPTER TWO
Esau Scrounge was hungry. He was hungry for a new direction in his life. He was hungry for any new job opportunities. He was hungry for a way to salvage his self respect. But most of all, he was hungry for food.
His stomach was really bothering him today. He had had a meal at a church yesterday, but he was looking for something to eat today. He started feeling dizzy and weak. He wasn’t too picky about what food he might find. He just wanted to fill his belly so that he could keep going another day.
At this time, he was walking down a lonely country road near Littleville. Scrounge didn’t mind being alone. He liked to have time to himself and he regarded himself as his own best friend. Unfortunately, he was also his own worst enemy. He had often lead himself astray by his own bad decisions and now he had no one to blame but himself. However, he had decided to live with himself. He hopefully thought that someday he would be able to help himself by showing himself the way to a better future.
Scrounge decided to rest under a small grove of trees. However, he couldn’t stop thinking about food. He was beginning to think about food so much that he even imaged that he was smelling food.
If I didn’t know better, I would have thought that I smelled something cooking. He sniffed the air for a few moments. Hey, I really do smell something. I’m not imagining it. Where is that smell coming from?
He looked around, but he didn’t see anyone else there. Suddenly, he spotted something in the distance. He wasn’t sure, but it looked like it might be food. Scrounge slowly walked toward the object. He was about ready to eat anything by this time. Maybe someone had left some food there by mistake. Maybe someone wanted to help him by leaving some food there. Or maybe, the food just fell right out of the sky. No matter how it got there, Scrounge was determined to investigate.
He soon found what he had been smelling. In the middle of the woods, there was a large cake sitting on the ground. Scrounge still did not see anyone else nearby, so he still had no idea where it came from. All he cared about was that if the object smelled like a cake and looked like a cake, then it must also taste like a cake. He quickly reached for it to find out.
As Scrounge tried to touch it, a strange thing happened. The cake moved away form him. He was beginning to believe that his eyes were playing tricks on him. However, he was even more determined to get it now. He took a step toward that cake and it retreated again. He took another step and the same thing happened.
By this time, he was getting really impatient. Scrounge started walking faster. The cake moved away just as quickly. He started running after it. The cake also picked up the pace and led him deeper and deeper into the woods.
Just when he was running out of energy, the cake stopped for him.
“I’ll get you if I have to leap on you!” The hungry man muttered. He jumped through the air at the cake and managed to grab it as he came down.
“Now I’ve got you!” He shouted with glee. Scrounge thrust his hand into the cake and tried to grab out a piece.
His victory was a short lived one. Unfortunately, he found that the cake was a fake. The frosting tasted like plaster. The insides tasted like Styrofoam.
“Hey! What is this?” He remarked in a disgusted tone.
Suddenly, he heard a noise above him. There was a loud crash. Before he could do anything, he found himself trapped in a huge cage which had fallen down on top of him.
Scrounge tried to pull the trap off of him, but it was no use. He was now a prisoner. But who had done this?
He heard a strange cackling noise nearby.
“Buckbuckbuckaa! Buckbuckbuckaa!” Some unseen creature bellowed.
Now he was really starting to get worried. What was going to happen to him now? He kept trying to get out of the cage, but it was just too heavy. Yet he never gave up hope that there might be someone out there who could save him.
“Hey! Anyone out there? I need some help here!” He shouted.
Before he knew it, Scrounge found himself surrounded by several strange-looking creatures. He quickly realized that they were not there to help him.
“Aaaaaaaaaah! Aaaaaaaaaah!” He yelled. But nobody heard him.
In the distance, a rooster crowed.
Dean and Paul were walking on a sidewalk in their neighborhood. The smaller boy was telling his friend about the strange dream he had had the night before.
“… and then, I was surrounded by those giant chickens!” He recalled.
“Weird!” Paul commented. “It’s a good thong that could never happen.”
As the boys continued walking, they did not realize that they were being watched. Sinister eyes were observing them from various locations. Someone was spying on them from behind a fence. Another observer was looking at them from behind a house. As the boys moved down the sidewalk, the watcher behind the fence moved his eyes from hole to hole. He seemed to be trying to get a better view of his prey. He was just waiting for the right opportunity to strike.
“I’ve been reading a lot about chickens, lately.” Dean said. “They look like harmless creatures on the outside. But deep down inside, they have the hearts of killers. Sometimes, they just act dumb. For the most part, they do what mankind forces them to do. But if given the chance, they might strike back. All they would need is the right opportunity.”
The boy began talking slower. He had a faraway look in his eyes as he spoke. Paul thought that his friend was taking his dream too seriously. But he wanted to be polite, so he kept on listening.
“I know it was just a dream.” Dean continued. “But it seemed so real. And fantasies can become real sometimes. You never know what might pop up behind the next corner. Anything could happen…”
The two boys were just about to get to the end of the corner when suddenly, a big kid steeped out from behind the fence. It was Bruno and he was standing right in their way.
“Well, what do we have here?” The bully said sarcastically. “If it isn’t Mr. Chicken.” He pointed to Dean.
“Well, you’re Mr. Ugly!” The little boy snapped back. He tried to get out of Bruno’s way, but the bigger kid just kept moving in front of him.
“Oh, you have it coming, punk!” The bully started moving toward him in a threatening manner.
Paul was so intimated by Bruno that he could hardly say anything. Dean turned around, but he saw two Bruno’s buddies quickly approaching them from behind. Without even thinking, he started running down the street.
The smaller kid looked behind him to see what happened to his friend. Paul was still standing there. The bigger boys seemed to ignore the other boy. But now, Bruno and his buddies were all chasing him.
“Run, Dean, run!” Paul yelled. He started running himself to try to help. However, by this time, he was hopelessly behind the others.
“I’m gonna get you, chicken!” Bully screamed.
Dean was racing fast as he could go. He knew that he was several feet ahead of the pack, but he still felt like they were breathing down his neck. His heart was beating rapidly. He felt his lungs pumping air like a machine. He saw the ground moving quickly beneath his feet. However, most importantly, he saw the woods ahead.
A thousand thoughts were racing through his mind at once. However, one prevailed over all. I’ve got to get away. Surprisingly, he was not as scared as he thought he would be. He even had a little bit of pleasure in racing his enemies, outrunning them, and occasionally outsmarting them. Why didn’t they ever learn that they couldn’t catch him? Maybe they were just stupid. Or maybe they got their pleasure by being bullies.
Dean smiled as he entered the woods. I should be home free soon. He knew that some people were afraid of the woods, but he wasn’t one of them. The woods were full of places to hide. That’s what he was going to need in this situation.
He heard the other boys yelling behind him. He was pleased that they had fallen so far back. Or had they given up on chasing him already. He decided not to take any chances. I’ll lose them like I lost them before.
Dean was pleased when he saw the first fork in the path. There were so many forks on these trails that he knew his pursuors would have difficulty finding him. He looked back to see if they were still there. He heard voices, but they sounded far away. He took the right path and continued running.
By this time, Bruno and his buddy Jake had fallen way behind their prey. The other bully, Nick, had given up the chase completely. But the big bad kid wasn’t going to be fooled this time. He wasn’t going to let Dean escape from him again. Bruno was determined to teach that kid a lesson even if it meant following him to the ends of the earth.
The two boys reached the fork in the road, but the smaller kid was nowhere to be seen.
“Which way did he go?” Jake asked.
“One way or the other.” Bruno replied. He took the right path. Jake chose the wrong way. But this time, the right way was also the wrong way.
Dean stopped to rest. I can’t go on any more. I’ve got to find some place to hide. There was a large bushy area ahead. That’s the spot.
“Chicken!” he heard someone yelling in the distance. Could Bruno see him from here?
“Chicken!” The bigger boy shouted. “Come out here and fight, you chicken!”
He sounds closer than I thought. Oh, why didn’t he give up by now?
The younger kid crouched down in the bushes. I hope there’s no poison ivy here. I’m sure that there’s no way that he could find me now. All I have to do is just sit here, wait, and watch for him until he leaves.
The boy didn’t know it, but he wasn’t the only one watching in the woods. Other creatures were out there, also. They had managed to keep hidden up to now. However, they were just looking for the right opportunity to strike.
“Chicken!” Bruno shouted. “I’m going to get you, chicken!”
The big kid was stumbling through the woods now. He was so blinded by hate that he wasn’t even watching where he as going. He almost ran into a tree. He stopped for a moment to catch his breath.
Suddenly, there was a loud cracking noise. It sounded like a large branch being broken by the weight of someone on it. Bruno headed toward where he thought it had happened.
“Oh, so you thought that you could hide from me!” He snarled. “Well, I know where you are now. You chicken!”
Dean could see the bigger boy go in the wrong direction. He could hardly keep himself from giggling. That bully was just as dumb as he was big.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!”
Bruno turned around. What kind of noise was that?
The big kid struggled to get through the thick undergrowth of the woods.
“I’m going to get you, chicken!” He spoke with a threatening tone.
All of once, Bruno lost his balance. He tripped on something and fell to the ground with a loud thud. This just made him madder. He tried to get up, but felt someone push him back down again.
“You..” He started to say something, but he stopped abruptly. When he turned around, he saw who had been behind him. And it wasn’t Dean. Bruno lay helpless on the ground. He found himself surrounded by four of the strangest creatures he had ever seen.
“Buckbuckbuckaa! Buckbuckbuckaa!” The feathered fiends snapped on him.
“Chicken.” That was all he could say before they moved in.
“Aaaaaaaagh!” He screamed.
Ned Brown was a farmer. As far as he knew, everyone in his family had been a farmer. So, it was only natural for him to pursue the family business.
In the last few years, he had considered converting his farm from agricultural to poultry production. He felt that he could increase his profits that way. At the present time, he only had a small pen of a few hundred chickens. He knew that he would have to have several thousand birds before he could become a big time poultry producer. But he had a plan and he believed that it would only work out if he started out small.
Brown was working on a special growth food for his chickens. He had been testing it for several weeks now and he felt certain that if his experiments were successful, then he could make a fortune.
“Ned! You up yet?” His wife called to him.
“Yes, dear.” He replied as he came down the stairs.
“I’ve got a list of things for you to do today.”
“Yes, dear.”
“I want you to paint the fence, fix that leak in the roof, and take those cans to the recyclers.”
“Yes, dear. Whatever you say.” Brown said as he drank his coffee.
“I’ve got a busy day myself. I’m going out for breakfast with April and then we’ll do some shopping. Then we’ll have lunch with Marge at that new café. Then we’ll probably do some more shopping and catch a movie at the Bijou. Oh, so much to do. I honestly don’t know how I’ll have time to do it all.”
“I’m sure you’ll find a way, dear.”
“I guess I will, won’t I?” She said as she looked at her watch. “Land sakes, look at the time! I’ve got to be going soon.”
Mrs. Brown looked in the mirror. She touched up her appearance.
“Now you’ll do all those things I told you to do?”
“Yes, dear.”
“And you’ll have everything done by the time I get back.”
“Yes, I will, dear.” Brown replied dutifully.
“Oh, you’re such a dear.” She smiled just before planting a peck on his lips.
“Goodbye, now!” Mrs. Brown waved as she went out the door.
The farmer breathed a sigh of relief. Well, thank havens she’s gone. What a henpecker! He didn’t like to argue with his wife, so he ended up being henpecked. Once I make my fortune, I won’t have to listen to her chatter any longer.
He looked at his bowl of corn flakes on the table. I’ve got to mix up some more growth formula. Then, I’ve got to feed the chickens.
Farmer Brown didn’t know it, but he wasn’t the only one on the farm who cared about his chickens. Some unwelcome strangers had arrived and they were interested in performing a few experiments of their own.
A couple of strange creatures lurked in the barn. They watched the little chickens running around in their pen. The large figures made cackling sounds among themselves. This might be the opportunity they were looking for.
The strangers threw some of their own feed into the chicken pen. Almost immediately, the birds gobbled up the new food. Nearby, the feathered fiends chuckled quietly. Then they threw some more feed into the pen.
Brown was just about done mixing up his formulated food for the chickens. He carefully added all of the ingredients and everything seemed ready.
“This ought to make them bigger and fatter.” He remarked as he left his workshop and headed toward the pen.
Brown didn’t notice the big shadows moving around inside his barn. He entered the chicken pen and started spreading the feed. He did observe that the birds seemed a little more active than usual.
“My, aren’t we frisky today?” He laughed as he watched the chickens scurry around. They started to flap their wings wildly. They began to cackle louder. Some of them even had the nerve to peck at his feet.
“Hold on! Don’t be so impatient! Brown yelled at them. “There’s enough for all of you! What’s gotten into you?”
He reached back to open the gate. The chickens were just too riled up for him to stay there. Just as he was about to leave, a heavy shovel came crashing down upon his head. Brown fell to the ground, unconscious.
The chickens started pecking him all over his body. The farmer tried to get up, but he was too dizzy and the birds were holding him down. Within seconds, he was completely covered with the flapping creatures.
“Aaaaaaargh!” He cried.
Nearby, the two strangers watched and chuckled.
Meanwhile, there was a lot of activity going on at the Aunt Mae’s Processing Plant. Several employees were loading up products to be shipped out. Ed and Al were filling up their trucks with boxes. Ed was driving the forklift while Al was writing some notes on a clipboard.
“We must keep busy, you know.” Al said as he smiled. “Business means busyness.”
Ed could hardly believe hat his co-worker had said that. He thought that Al was an expert at only looking busy.
“That sounds strange coming from you. You don’t look too busy yourself.” Ed commented.
“Oh, I’m very busy.” Al replied as he scribbled down some indecipherable scribbles on the clipboard. “In fact, you might say that I’m working hard at hardly working.”
“You’re a real joker, aren’t you? Ed remarked as he loaded another pallet into the truck.
“You don’t know the half of it.” Al exclaimed. “Why, I’ve got so many jokes that I don’t know what to do with them all. Here’s one. Why did the chicken cross the road?”
“Oh, come on. Everyone’s heard that one before. He crosses the road in order to get to the other side.”
“But that’s just one answer!” Al replied as he pointed at Ed. “There are actually many other answers to that question as well. Can’t you think of any other reason?”
Ed was quiet for a moment. At this time, all he could really think about was getting back home to his wife and their three children. But Al wanted another answer, so he tried to make a guess.
“He crossed the road to get to the chicken feed place on the other side.”
“That’s a good answer. Unfortunately it wasn’t the one I was looking for. The correct response to why do the chicken cross the road was…” He paused for a dramatic effect. “Because the colonel was chasing him!”
Ed managed to fake a laugh. He didn’t really care for Al’s jokes. But occasionally, some were funny. Also, listening to him often made the day go by faster.
“Or you could say that he crossed the road because he had a hot date with Henny Penny.” Al said as he made gestures with his hands. He smiled and waited. Maybe he was expecting some more laughter.
“Or perhaps he crossed the road so he wouldn’t be followed by vampires.” Al added. “Or he crossed the road because it was clear of traffic.”
“There are many answers to that one question. The only right answer is all of them. Here’s another one for you. What had feathers and conquered the world?”
Ed shrugged. He could hardly care less. All he knew was that if you worked in a chicken factory, you had to expect these kinds of jokes sooner or later.
“Give up? Alright, the answer is…” Al paused for a few seconds in order to give Ed more time to guess.
“Attila the Hen!”
“I can see you really liked that one. Okay, let me tell you another. What government agency investigates strange cases involving chickens?”
Ed hadn’t heard that one before. He shook his head.
“Ah, I should make you wait a little longer to think of an answer. But I guess I’m torturing you enough already by even telling you these jokes. You don’t have a clue? Okay, the answer is… The Eggs-files! Get it? The Eggs-files?”
Ed did not respond.
“Did I ever tell you about the time I called up the chicken restaurant and asked them, “How large are your…” Al continued.
“Wait!” Ed snapped. “What was that?”
Al had been ready to say something else, but he tried to listen, also. He didn’t hear anything at first and shook his head.
“There was some type of noise outside.” Ed said in a serious tone. “I’d like to find out what it was.”
Al listened again and he heard it also.
“It sounds like some sort of crowd sound.” He observed. “It sounds like people yelling.”
The two men stopped working and remained as quiet as possible. The noise grew louder gradually.
“Maybe there’s been some kind of accident outside.” Ed commented. “I’m going to see.”
Al joined him and the two men headed for the front of the plant.
“If some fire has broken out, I don’t want to be in here.” Al remarked.
“I don’t think that’s it.” His co-worker added. “Otherwise the alarm would have gone off. It must be something else.”
As they were walking to the front entrance, other employees joined them.
“What’s going on?” Ed asked Jill, a quality control inspector.
“I don’t know, but I am sure going to find out.” She said as she ran past them.
The two men went through the front door. They were bewildered by what they saw. Several dozen people were outside the fence at the main gate. They were pacing around in circles, carrying signs, and shouting slogans.
Al scratched his head. “What is this? A strike? I didn’t know about any strike.”
“This isn’t a strike.” Ruth, a foreman, replied. “At least, it isn’t the kind of strike that we’ve had before. This is a different kind of protest.”
The employees of Aunt Mae’s Chicken walked up to the fence for a closer look. They could hardly believe what they saw.
The signs of the crowd outside said it all. They read, “Save the Chickens,” “Chickens are our friends,” “Aunt Mae’s is a Foul Business,” and “Stop picking on the Chicken.”
“Holy Horsefeathers!” Al exclaimed, “Animal rights nuts!”
“That’s right.” Ruth added. “We didn’t think that they would bother us. But now they’re here, and they may want to stay until they shut us down.”
“Hey, they can’t do that!” Al protested. “I know some people love chicken, but this is ridiculous!”
“The way I see it…” Ed commented. “Everyone has a right to express their own opinions. This country is built on the principles of freedom of speech.”
“I can’t believe I’m hearing this!” Al said incredulously. He pointed at the protesters. “Those people want to eliminate our jobs and you act like you’re on their side.”
“I didn’t say I agreed with them.” Ed replied. “I don’t even believe that they will shut the plant down. I don’t even think that they will have any effect on our production or sales. All I am saying is that I don’t see them as any sort of threat.”
“Well, I don’t even think that they should be there!” Ruth snapped. “They are a nuisance to this company. If I have my way, they won’t be here much longer. I’m going to call the police!” She stormed back into the plant.
Some of the protesters had donned hats which were shaped like fruits and vegetables. The head coverings looked like large tomatoes, potatoes, melons, cucumbers, and carrots. The picketers shouted, “Eat Beets! Not Meats!”
“Gee, what will be next?” Al wondered out loud. “I hope they don’t start fighting for plant rights!”
“You seem to believe that what they’re doing is silly.” Ed commented.
“Honestly, I couldn’t make them look any sillier than they make themselves look.” Al replied sarcastically. “Look at those vegeheads!”
Outside the gates of the plant, a van pulled up along the curb. The protesters stopped their chanting for a minute. They started smiling and got really excited.
“Look, here come the TV cameras!” somebody shouted. A man with a video camera got out of the van and started filming the group. Some of the people waved and grinned at him.
A young woman with a microphone also got out of the van and approached the picketers. After the cameraman made a few adjustments on his equipment, he focused on her as she began to speak.
“Good evening, I’m Karen Knotmuch with WHAT news. I’m at the Aunt Mae’s Poultry Processing Plant where several demonstrators have gathered to protest against what they believe is a terrible injustice. I’m here with Eggbert McFeather, a spokesman for this group. Mr. McFeather, what’s this protest all about?”
She pointed her mike to a man standing next to her. He was a short, overweight fellow with thick glasses. He started speaking in a very serous tone.
“My friends, the world is in a crisis today. Inside this building behind me, our fine feathered friends are being brutally slaughtered for grotesque consumption by humans. This injustice must be stopped immediately! We’re doing this because we want everyone out there to know what’s happening. I want everyone to think about the massacres which are taking place every day in this tomb of death behind us. Imagine little bodies being stripped of their feathers. Can you imagine those poor, defenseless creatures being stripped of their legs and stripped of their wings?”
McFeather raised his hands in a dramatic gesture. The crowd of protesters grew silent as everyone tried to hear him speak.
“I would like everyone to give a moment of silence in memory of the thousands of souls which have been delivered to heaven from this place. May their lives not be lost in vain.”
For a few seconds, no one spoke. Even the reporter and the camera managed to keep quiet as the crowd tried to maintain a respectful vigil.
At that moment, however, a police car slowly drove up to the scene. It flashed its lights in the faces of the picketers and blared a loud siren. Two officers got out of their vehicle and approached the group.
“I’m officer Wills and this is Officer Casey.” The cop stated bluntly. “We received a report that there was some kind of disturbance in this area.”
“I’m glad you’re here, officer.” McFeather spoke up. “The most disturbing thing around here is the slaughter of the innocents which goes on every day in that house of death.” He pointed to the processing plant.
“Excuse me, are you the leader of this group here?” Casey asked the chicken rights crusader.
“I am.” The man answered proudly. “And we represent the World Association for Chickens in our Society, or WACKOS, for short. We are a small, but growing movement dedicated to fighting for the rights of those beings who cannot stand up for themselves.”
“Excuse me, sir.” Wills interrupted him. “Do you have a permit to picket here?”
“Please,” McFeather continued. “Just let us stand here peacefully for a few more minutes. If only for the memory of those poor creatures who are unable to speak on their own behalf…”
“I’m sorry, sir.” The lady cop snapped back. “But the law of this city clearly states that all assemblies of this nature must have the proper permit. If you cannot produce such a document, I’m afraid I’m going to have to ask the WACKOS to leave this area peacefully.”
“You heard the lady!” Al shouted from the other side of the fence. “We don’t want any WACKOS here!”
At that moment, someone from behind the fence threw an object at the protesters. Nobody saw who threw it. However, the object hit a woman. She clutched her head in pain, started moaning, and fell to the ground. A couple of her friends ran to her side and tried to comfort her. Some of the other demonstrators ran to the fence, started shaking it, and yelled insults at the people inside. Soon people on both sides of the fence were throwing objects at each other. Rocks, sticks, bottles, cans, signs, and other items were soon flying everywhere. The cameraman was filming the disorder. People were trying to break down the fence by running at it. A few windows in the plant were broken during the confusion.
“That’s enough! That’s enough!” Wills shouted loudly. Casey was trying to pull people off the fence, but the crowd was going wild. The protest was becoming more than what two cops could handle. Wills breathed a sigh of relief when another cruiser pulled up to the scene.
“Okay, break it up! Get going!” Casey yelled at the crowd. Already, the protest had broken up and most of the people had scattered in different directions.
Two additional cops, Bradley and Maris, had the situation well under control. By this time, Wills had put handcuffs on McFeather. The activist kept trying to rally his followers as he continued to yell to the camera.
“When the day of judgment arrives, I will be proud to say that I was a member of WACKOS! To those who may sympathize with our movement, please visit our website at WACKOS.com!” He said to the camera.
McFeather was put into a police car by Wills. The other officers took a couple of the more violent protesters into custody. Several of the plant employees cheered as the demonstration was quickly broken up.

CHAPTER THREE
The police force of Littleville had always tired to do a good job. They were only a phone call away. They have made every attempt to serve the public in the best way possible but they could not stop every crime.
In another part of the town, a crime was about to be committed. This crime had been done many times before and the police had not responded to the problem. The department didn’t even know that this lawbreaking was happening. The main reason was because the victims weren’t talking. They couldn’t.
Tonight, this crime was going to occur in Jake Wilson’s barn. It had previously been committed in private garages, woodsheds, darkened alleys, basements, deserted houses, and other places off the beaten path. These crimes moved from place to place so the cops would never know where they would happen next.
The man in the barn were smiling and talking. They didn’t think of themselves as criminals. They just considered themselves to be good old boys who where looking for a little excitement. Their problem was that they often derived their pleasure at the expense of others.
“Gentlemen, place your bets!” Jake announced. He was the banker for the night. He didn’t care who won or lost just as long as he got his cut.
The money was laid down. The men stared at each other nervously and impatiently. They were waiting for the action to begin.
“We all know the rules.” Jake said in a serous tone. “So, let’s get started. On the count of three, let the fight begin. One…two…three!”
The roosters began to the peck at each other as their owners held them. This is how a cockfight was started. The pecking would be minor at first. But when the cocks got mad at each other, their trainers would let them go. That’s when you would really see a fight. The gamecocks would try to tear each other up with the little steel spurs attached to their legs. Unlike human brawlers, these birds were fighting for their lives. The winner would be pampered and rewarded by his owner. The loser would be in some oven tomorrow. He would be lucky if he had died quickly without too much suffering. Like in the world of humans, the pecking order was decided by the biggest pecker.
Peckerwood was still standing, but Love Wand was giving that chicken a licking. P. tried to attack, but the was just too slow. L.W was getting in most of the blows.
“Come on, you pecker!” Wally yelled at his losing bird. “Do something!”
Love Wand’s trainer was also giving his fighter a few words of encouragement. “Go, man go! Get him, boy! Get him!” He exclaimed.
The cocks were looking bloody and tired, but they were still going at each other. Each knew that they had more to lose than their owners. Love Wand appeared to be losing strength rapidly. Perhaps he had gambled on winning a quick victory and used all of his energy too early in the battle. At this point, he appeared to be struggling just to stay on his feet. Peckerwood was looking calm and confident. He seemed to be waiting for just the right moment to strike.
“Kill! Kill!” Wally yelled. His face was intense with excitement.
Harold, Love Wand’s owner, had not given up on his bird. He gritted his teeth as he made a growling noise. “Grrrrr…grrr…”
At that moment, Love Wand attacked. He jumped so high in the air that his opponent was temporarily stunned in amazement by this act. Then L.W. struck. He slashed Peckerwood’s throat with his steel spurs. His opponent struggled to stay in the match. Then he suddenly collapsed in a bloody heap.
“He won! He won!” Harold shouted with glee.
“That cock sucked!” Rick laughed.
The two owners retrieved their birds. Harold kissed his cock and hugged it with joy. Wally’s cock was just lying there like a damp rag. He put the bird in a small sack and shuffled away.
“The next fight is between Big Dick and Long Dong Silver.” Jake announced. “Gentleman, are you ready?”
Wally stormed out of the barn. He was so mad at himself and his cock that he did not feel like watching another match that night.
“You dumb cock!” He muttered as he looked at the bag in his hand. “You’re a loser! No good! Damn! I wish I could find me a real cock. One who could really fight!”
Suddenly, there was shuffling noise outside of the barn. Wally looked up, but he didn’t see anything. He just sat where he was and did not try to investigate.
Probably some barnyard animal.
The gamecock trainer was about to get up and walk back to his truck. Another noise got his attention. It was a strange cackling sound.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!”
What the hell is that thing? He wondered.
Wally walked over to a fence near the barn. He saw something moving in the shadows, but he couldn’t identify it.
“Hey, you there!” He called. “Come out where I can see you!”
When the shape approached him, Wally was so stunned he could hardly move. He tried to scream, but he was shocked speechless. Just as he managed to tear himself away form the fence, he ran into another one of the creatures and fell down.
“No, no!” He whimpered as they pounced on him.
“What was that?” Rick asked.
“I didn’t hear anything.” Jake answered.
At that moment, several large aliens encircled the barn and started entering. Then they showed those cock masters a cockfight that they would never forget. They eve gave Jake his “cut.”
The next day, Ed and Al were making deliveries in their truck. A song about a purple monster that ate people was playing on the radio.
“Can you believe that nerve of those guys yesterday?” Al commented. “The next thing you know, they will be trying to get chickens to vote.”
Ed looked out of the window. “I don’t mind if people do what they believe in. Live and let live, I always say.”
“The problem is that those people will never be happy until they put us out of business.” Al said. “Even if we let them live, they won’t let us live.” He kept a steady hand on the wheel as he watched the road ahead.
Ed spotted something in the distance. It was so far away that he couldn’t tell what it was.
“Hey, what’s that?” He asked as he pointed at the object.
Al tried to identify the thing, but he couldn’t see it very clearly either. He shook his head.
“Nah, it couldn’t be.”
“What? What couldn’t it be?” Al asked. He slowed down the truck so they wouldn’t pass by too quickly. But the thing kept getting smaller and smaller into the distance until they couldn’t see it any more.
“Did you see it? I didn’t get a good look.” The driver remarked.
“I saw it, but it couldn’t have possibly been what I thought it looked like.” Ed said. He stared out the window in disbelief.
“What was that?” Al inquired.
“It looked like a giant chicken.”
“A giant chicken, eh? Well, at least it wasn’t one of those pink elephants!” Al laughed.
“You’ve seen pink elephants?”
“Sure, sometimes.”
“Have you ever seen a doctor?”
“No, just pink elephants!” Al smiled. “And no giant chickens, either.”
“I’d sure like to know what it was, though.” Ed mused.
“Maybe it was some character from an advertisement.” Al answered. “Maybe it’s a new campaign for Aunt Mae’s. Don’t be a big chicken. Get a big chicken from us today. Did I tell you that I used to be an ad man?”
“After hearing that slogan, I can understand why you’re no longer in the business.” Ed said. “And I don’t think that chicken or whatever it was out there is a part of any promotion. After all, who would see it way out here?”
“You know, that reminds me of this joke…”
“Everything reminds you of some type of joke.”
“Just listen. Only stop me if you’ve heard this one before. Okay, what do you call a pan which flies through the air?”
Ed didn’t feel like talking. “I give up, what?”
“An unidentified frying object!” Al exclaimed.
Ed sighed.
Ed wasn’t the only person seeing things. Other people in Littleville were seeing the giant chickens also. That’s because the large birds were not even bothering to hide any longer. They started walking on the sidewalks in broad daylight. They looked in the windows of various stores. They waved to the people on the street. Some of them even posed for pictures with the local residents.
The strange thing about their appearance in the town was that nobody even suspected that anything unusual was happening. People saw the giant chickens, but nobody really thought that they were real. Everyone thought that they were just guys in chicken costumes. Some people just tried to ignore them.
“Honestly!” One woman exclaimed. “Some people will do anything just to get attention.”
Some people did question why there were so many giant chickens walking around.
“Maybe there’s some type of sports team mascot convention nearby.” Martha suggested.
“Maybe they are trying out new characters for a theme park.” Emily, her retired friend, said.
“Is there some kind of costume party going on ?” Gertrude asked.
“I think that it’s just another gimmick.” Elizabeth spoke firmly. “They are just trying to sell chicken!”
Some people tried to ask the chickens why they were there, but they didn’t get any answers. The large birds would just smile and cackle as they ignored the questions. The only thing they said that anyone recognized was when they crowed, “Cock-a-doodle-doo!” The kids loved it when they made that noise.
For the time being, nobody seemed to mind these strange visitors. They weren’t doing anything illegal. Maybe that’s because they were sick chickens, not sick eagles. Nobody had seen them break any laws yet. Maybe they were just infiltrating the population so that they would be ready when the time was right to strike. But no one in Littleville suspected what was about to happen.
Roy Wilson didn’t really like his job. It wasn’t easy being a professional giant chicken, but that what he did. He walked around in a large bird costume for four hours a day in front of Ben Tucky’s Roasted Chicken Restaurants. He made a fool out of himself in trying to lure in customers from off the street. During the long, hot summer, his feathery outfit often became uncomfortable.
There were some advantages to his position. He got to eat all of the chicken that he wanted and he could tell everyone that he was in show business!
At this time, Roy was giving his ad pitch to the people walking or driving by. He liked to fiddle with the suggested script in order to make it more interesting.
“We’ve got all types of chicken, folks!” He bellowed into his microphone. “We have fried chicken, barbequed, broiled, boiled, baked, shaked, creamed, chopped, mashed, crushed, steamed, beaten, skewered, fricasseed, basted, roasted, pressed, shredded, breaded, toasted, and broasted chicken!”
For the most part, people were ignoring him. He noticed that for every car which came to the restaurant, hundreds of other vehicles passed by him. The pedestrians did the same thing. Occasionally, someone would ask if they had any special deals today and he would hand them a flyer. Once in a while, someone would ask if they could take his picture and he would try to make a funny pose for them.
“Darn!” He exclaimed. “Sometimes I wish I worked for Pizza Shed or McDardle’s! Roy liked the food at the other places better. However, they couldn’t offer him the kind of gig he had at Ben Tucky’s. He knew that he should be happy for what he had.
“Maybe they can put me in an ad campaign.” He wondered. “Then millions of people all over the country would see me. Then, maybe I could get my own TV show, or movie deal, or recording contract! I’d become rich and famous! I guess for now I’ll just have to keep on doing this until that happens.”
Roy attempted to juggle while on the job. He had three large white balls which looked like giant chicken eggs. He thought that more people would pay attention to him if they could be entertained. However, his juggling ability was limited. Most of the time, he dropped the balls and had to chase them before they rolled out into the street.
He was ready to put the balls away when a strange thing happened. Another giant chicken walked up to him and just started standing there. The two large feathered creatures looked at each other for a few moments.
Wow, that’s a really neat costume. If I didn’t know any better, I would think that he was the real thing! But what is he doing here?
“Say, I hope you’re here to relieve me!” Roy said. “I could really use a bathroom break!”
The giant chicken shook his head.
“Well, don’t tell me I’ve been fired and you’re my replacement?” He asked.
The giant chicken shook his head again.
“You can talk, can’t you? What do you want?” The fake chicken inquired. He looked at the real chicken with suspicion.
The alien creature held out his wing and pointed to the objects tat Roy held in his hands.
“Oh, the balls!” He exclaimed. “Can you juggle? Like I suppose you could do a better job?” He sighed and handed the fake eggs over.
The giant chicken felt the balls carefully. He shook each one and squeezed them gently.
“Look, you toss them in the air like I was doing.” Roy explained as he gestured with his wings. “You move them from hand to hand without dropping them.”
The feathered fiend started juggling the balls. Roy couldn’t believe it, but the guy was better than him with only a few minutes of practice.
“You’re good, man! You’re getting it!” The fake chicken remarked.
The real chicken was improving his juggling every minute. He juggled two balls with one wing. Then he started bouncing the balls off his head as part of the routine. He picked up a few extra balls from the ground and soon he was juggling six balls. He was so impressive that several people stopped on the sidewalk to watch him.
“Eggs-exciting!” Someone remarked.
“You’re the best! Keep going, dude!” Roy said. He had never seen anything like this before. “But don’t show my boss. He might fire me and hire you!”
The giant chicken finished up his act by catching all of the balls in a little sack. As a few people applauded him, the large bird bowed and then started walking away.
The fake chicken tried to stop him. “Hey, man! You’ve got my balls!” He complained. “Get your own balls!”
The alien creature suddenly developed a unpleasant look on his face. He grabbed Roy violently and snarled right in his face.
“Okay…okay…” The mascot shook with fear as he spoke. “You can keep them. They’re yours. Just don’t hurt me, man!”
The giant chicken smiled, dropped Roy, turned around, and walked away. The fake chicken just sat on the ground in shock.
That guy was more bully than chicken.
The large bad bird went around to the other side of the restaurant. He was walking through the drive through section when he saw a curious sight. On the top of a short post, there was the head of another giant chicken.
He tapped the head. The feathers on it seemed very hard.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa!” He crowed as he tried to communicate with the head.
“Cock-a-doodle-doo!” The head announced with a mechanical voice. “Welcome to Ben Tucky’s Roasted Chicken! May I take your order, please?”
The giant chicken looked confused. He decided to address the head again.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” He crowed even louder.
The head responded, “Cock-a-doodle-doo! Welcome to Ben Tucky’s Roasted Chicken! May I take your order, please?”
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” The G.C cackled back.
At the ordering window, Claire was talking to her supervisor, Rita.
“I don’t know what’s with this guy, he’s not ordering anything!” She complained.
“Is that Roy?” Rita asked.
“No, Roy is out front.” Claire said. “That’s some other guy in a chicken suit!”
The large bad bird continued to argue with the metal bird head.
“This guy is really weird.” Claire remarked. Then she spoke into the microphone again asking, “May I please take your order, sir?”
At that moment, a blue automobile pulled up behind the giant chicken.
The driver yelled at the bird. “Hey, you turkey! Are you going to order something or not?”
Suddenly, the feathered fiend snarled at the driver. He took out his frustrations by ripping the giant chicken head off its post. Then he threw the metallic object right into the windshield of the car, smashing it.
“That’s it!” Rita exclaimed. “I’m calling the cops!”
A man in the automobile became very angry as well. He revved up his motor and attempted to run the giant chicken down. But the bad bird was too fast for him. He jumped up into the air and came crashing down on the hood of the car.
The driver got out of his vehicle and ran away.
“Cookadoodledoo!” The chicken crowed with glee. He flapped his wings wildly, jumped over a nearby fence, and escaped down a back alley.
Officers Maris and Bradle soon showed up at the restaurant to investigate the incident. Although they themselves had seen other giant chickens roaming around the town, this was the first case where one of the birds was involved in criminal activities.
Maris was talking on his radio to head quarters.
“Yes…We have a description of the suspect. He’s about seven feet tall.. and dressed in a red chicken costume…Yes, that’s right…He’s dressed like a giant red chicken…Oh, don’t ask me why…lots of cons have disguises… This one is just a chicken…Anyway, he was last seen running down an alley by the corner of Poultry and Eggsitter Street…Oh, I mean Exeter Street…Yes, that’s right…”
After finished his report, he turned to his partner.
“I’ve seen giant white chickens and giant yellow chickens and giant black chickens already! I knew there was going to be trouble when they came to town!”
Meanwhile, fellow officers J.C. and Wills were checking out the scene of a more serious crime. The body of Ned Brown had been found by his wife in their chicken coop. The poor lady was shocked by the discovery. Her husband’s remains appeared to be totally mutilated by his own flock of birds. In fact, there was hardly anything left of the farmer except for a few pieces of meat on his bones.
“Poor Ned.” Casey sighed. “They always used to call him “The chicken feed guy” because he tested recipes for poultry growth formulas. Talk about biting the hand that fed them!” He stared at the chickens nearby. They had been put into cages to keep them away from the body.
“But we don’t know for sure if the chickens were responsible for his death.” Wills commented. “Birds don’t normally act like that.”
She pointed to the cages. “Look at those birds. They look perfectly normal. What could possibly get into them to make them do such a thing?”
J.C. looked at the ground closely. He ran his hand along the ground and picked up a few grains of something.
“Did you find anything?” His partner asked.
“I don’t know too much about chickens.” He admitted. “But this feed just doesn’t look right. Perhaps something did get into them. I think that we should have some of this stuff analyzed at the lab. Maybe the results would add information to the autopsy report.”
As Casey took a sample, Wills continued to look for clues on the ground. She went into the barn.
“Hey, come take a look at this!”
The male cop stopped what he was doing and followed her in.
Wills pointed to a spot on the ground. There was a track of some creature imprinted into the dirt. J.C. stooped down for a closer look.
“Why, this looks like the same kind of print we found in the woods where Hemington was last seen.” He remarked as he scratched his head. “There’s something funny going on around here.”
“Not only that, but look what else I found.” She said as she handed him a soft white object. “Have you ever seen anything like this?’
He examined the item closely.
“Why, it looks some kind of feather. But as far as I know, only ostriches have ones this big.”
“It’s those chickens!” Wills remarked. “I knew they were suspicious when they first came to town, but I had no reason to suspect them.”
“You’re right!” Casey admitted as he waved the feather. “Now we have proof of their foul deeds! It’s about time we turned those scoundrels into jail birds!”
The two quickly gathered all of the evidence hat they could find and rushed back to the police department.
At this time, many of the feathered fiends had flown the coop. They had disappeared from the streets and were nowhere to be found.
A few of them gathered at the back door of a local house. The big red bird who had caused that incident at the restaurant was there. He and two of his friends pushed a crowbar into the threshold. They managed to jimmy open the door without anyone seeing or hearing them. Then they started wandering through the rooms.
One of them sat on a couch in the living room. He was surprised when the television suddenly came on. Apparently, he had not seen the remote control underneath him. The large yellow bird soon became interested in the various shows on the air. He saw an exercise program and started dancing like the humans on the screen. He seemed to have a natural ability to shake his tail feathers and do the “Spunky chicken” dance. In fact, he shook and jumped so much that he stepped on the remote and unintentionally changed the channel. He didn’t like the new show, much. It was a documentary about poultry processing. He saw hundreds of small chicken bodies hanging from a mechanical conveyer belt. He only had to look at that scene once. The large yellow bird shook in fear and ran from the room.
The big red chicken was rummaging through the drawers upstairs. He may have been a super-intelligent alien, but he still like to paw over other people’s stuff like a common thief. He pulled out a lot of clothes, but he hadn’t found too much of interest. Suddenly, he spotted something in the back of the drawer. He picked up what appeared to be a large egg. He may not have known it, but it was just a container for pantyhose. Maybe he knew it already and liked its appearance anyway. Whatever the case, he cackled with glee. He found more of the “eggs” in the drawer and gathered them all up in a large sack.
The big white chicken started watching the television. He accidentally stepped on the remote control a few times and started changing the channels. He winced as he saw a circus geek bite the head off of a chicken. On another station, some country bumpkin was making a poor bird dance by having him stand on a hot plate. The large bad bird wept after seeing that. Then he saw a commercial for Ben Tucky’s Roasted Chicken restaurants. A bunch of chickens were dancing and singing about how delicious they were. That was just too much for fowl creature to bear. He started pecking the TV screen until he smashed it.
The big yellow chicken was in the next room, admiring some of the furnishings. There were paintings of chickens on the wall. There were a few sculptures of chickens on the bookcase. He couldn’t read the words on the books but he noticed that some of them had pictures of chickens on the covers. Some of them were titled, “Our Fine Feathered Friends,” “Would You Eat a Friend?” “Great Chickens in History,” A Complete Guide to Defending the Rights of Poultry,” “The I Love Chicken Book,” “The Chicken Chronicles,” “Give me the Bird!” and many others.
The bird accidentally knocked his head on something. It was a mobile with a lot of little chickens on it hanging from the ceiling. He looked at the other wall. Why, there must have been at least five clocks here. All cuckoo clocks, of course!
Suddenly, the chickens heard a noise outside the house. The red, white, and yellow beasts ventured to the window to see what was happening. A black car was pulling into the driveway. The birds started acting really worried. The white and yellow guys began to shake with fear. The red one told them to stop panicking. He took control of the situation by leading the other two to a back room of the house. The three sat in the dark, waited, and listened.
Eggbert McFeather entered his home quietly. Today had not been a good day for him. The group of WACKOS had been broken up. He had been fined by the police for disturbing the peace. And to top everything else off, Karen Knotmuch had made him look like a fool on local TV. For the first time, he had doubts about whether or not he could achieve his intended goals in the chicken rights movement.
“I’ve tried so hard. Why don’t they understand?” He muttered to himself as he turned on the lights.
As he entered the living room, he suddenly felt as though something was wrong. He looked around, but he couldn’t tell why he had such suspicions. Then he saw the smashed in television.
“Oh my! The activist exclaimed. “There’s someone in here.” He looked for anything which could be used as a weapon, but all he could find was a butterfly net. He still grabbed it and clutched like it was a weapon of mass destruction.
“Who’s that? Who’s there?” He demanded as he walked slowly through the house. He thought about calling the police at this time. However, he remembered that he had had trouble with them earlier in the day. Besides, he felt that he could handle any burglars himself. He moved cautiously through the dining room.
“Chirp! Chirp!”
What was that? McFeather turned around only to find that he had been startled by the sounds of his cuckoo clocks going off. Thank heavens those were still intact!
Suddenly, he saw three strange creatures coming out of the next room. He was so stunned by their appearance that the man just froze where he stood. Before he could do anything, the big red one pointed a strange ray gun at him. A bright beam of light shot out of the gun and knocked McFeather to the floor.
The man felt as though he was in a hypnotic trance. He could not get up and escape.
“I see… I understand now.” He said as he stared up at the ceiling.
The three giant chickens surrounded him and looked down upon their prisoner.
“I will obey all of your commands, master.” McFeather mumbled blankly.
The trio of aliens cackled loudly.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaa!”
That night, Paul and Dean were walking through the forest.
“So what happened between you and Bruno?” The taller boy asked.
“Like I said, he and his buddies were chasing me along this trail.” His friend replied. “But I lost them.”
“But what happened to Bruno? Nobody has seen him since that time. Didn’t you see what happened?”
“No, I told you I was hiding. I was more concerned about him not seeing me than I was in seeing on him. I’ve told Bruno to get lost several times before. Maybe now he finally did.”
“It sure is creepy walking through here at night.” Paul commented. “Perhaps we’d better go back to our houses.”
“Oh, don’t be such a chicken!” Dean snapped. “I just want to show you the spot where I gave that jerk the slip.”
“I’m not afraid.” His friend replied indignantly. “I think that there might be things in the forest that we should stay away from.”
“Things?” The shorter boy remarked. “There’s nothing here. The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.”
Suddenly, they heard a loud cracking noise.
“What was that?” Paul asked nervously.
“That was nothing. It was just a branch off of a tree.”
“Yes, but who broke that branch off the tree?”
“Maybe it was the wind. Who cares? Forget about it.” Dean replied as he continued walking down the trail. “Ah, here we are. This is the place.” He stopped by some bushes.
“Don’t you think that you should tell the police about what happened? Maybe you could provide some clues about why Bruno disappeared?”
“I have talked to the police. I told them all I know and that was practically nothing. They have already been through this area. They just think that he ran away from home. If he did, good riddance!”
The wind shook the branches of the trees. The leaves rustled softly.
“I’m going back.” Paul said. “I don’t like it here.”
“Alright.” His friend agreed. “I just thought that we might find something here.”
The two boys started walking home on the trail.
They didn’t know it, but they were being watched. On a branch of a large tree, the silhouettes of several small birds could be seen in the moonlight. That was nothing unusual. What was strange was the dark shape of a seven foot bird sitting next to them. The large bird and the small birds looked at each other briefly. Then they peacefully chirped together as they looked up at the stars in the night sky.
Meanwhile, at the local police station, the lines were busier than a barkeeper during happy hour. Everyone in the area seemed to have some complaint about the giant chickens. One woman reported that a large bird had stolen the pink flamingos off her lawn. Another lady called in to say that her T-bird had been ripped off by some other feathered fiend. Marge, the switchboard dispatcher, was having trouble handling all of the lines.
“Oh, yes, ma’am! We’ll send someone there right away!” She told the person on the other end of the phone. After hanging up, she muttered, “Now just what was that address again?”
Marge answered another line. “Good evening, Littleville police station. Can I help you? What’s that?...A giant chicken did what?... Oh dear!... If you please give me your name and address, we’ll send someone out there as soon as possible…” She took down the information and sighed, “We haven’t had this many calls since that tornado a few years back.”
She took another line. “Good evening…” but suddenly, she stopped. There was a hideous sound of cackling and crowing coming from the other end. The dispatcher hung up on them in a hurry. The police weren’t interested in hearing any more bird calls!
At that moment, officers Wills and Casey entered the station. They both looked very tried. Casey yawned as he stretched his arms. Wills was so exhausted that she could barely stand. Her eyes were almost closed.
“Oh, I’m so glad you’re here!” Marge exclaimed when she saw them. “We’ve been getting so many calls that I don’t know what to do. The phone has been ringing off the hood with complaints about those giant chickens!”
“This situation is serious.” Wills said. “Did you call the state police?”
“I did, but they didn’t take me seriously!” The dispatcher complained. “They think that it’s all some sort of publicity stunt. They wouldn’t believe that a crime wave could be caused by a gang of feathered fiends.”
“I wouldn’t have believed it myself.” Casey replied. “But we’ve seen them and we know it’s true. I’m making some calls. I’ll get people to hear about this. Even if I have to call the army, our congressman, our senator, our governor, the secretary of defense, or even the president, I’ll let them know. They may be part of a publicity stunt, but it’s been nothing but bad publicity so far. If I catch any bird breaking the law, he’ll be a jailbird for sure!”
The three started making calls.
Marge talked on the phone. “Hello, state police? This is Marge, the dispatcher at Littleville. We got a situation here! We’re being invaded by giant killer chickens!...No, I’m not kidding! Hello? Hello! Darn!” I’ve been cut off!”
CAHPTER FOUR
The next day, a giant chicken was seen walking beside a road. No one knew if this bird was involved in any of the incidents which occurred earlier. However, since he was a giant chicken, he was regarded as a suspicious character. At the very least, the police wanted him for questioning. When the bird saw a cruiser approaching him, he took off running.
When he came to another road, he looked both ways to see if anything was coming. In his haste, he accidentally knocked a can of gas on the road. When he was sure that he wouldn’t be hit, he ventured out onto the highway.
He had only gone a few feet when a man started yelling at him.
“Hey, you there! Didn’t you see those signs?”
The bird tired to ignore this guy and get away, but this feathered fellow soon found that he had a big problem. His feet were stuck on the road!
“Hey you!” The man shouted as he walked up to the edge of the road. “That’s hot tar there. You’ve got to get off of that road!”
The chicken tried to obey him. He struggled to get his feet out of the tar. However, he only found that he was sinking deeper.
The man, a construction employee, reached out his hand for the bird.
“Do you need some help there, buddy?” He asked. “Just give your hand…I mean your wing…or whatever and I’ll try to pull you out.”
The feathered fellow tried to grab his hand, but he was too far away. By this time, a small group of people had stopped to watch this situation. Officers Wills and Casey had also arrived on the scene.
The construction employee turned around and tried to block the people from getting any closer.
“Everybody stand back!” He demanded. “I don’t want anyone else getting stuck on this hot tar.”
“What seems to be the trouble here, Ralph?” Casey asked him.
“I was paving this road and everything was fine.” The construction guy explained. “And then this chicken walks out onto the middle of it and gets himself stuck.”
“That is a problem.” Wills commented. “And we want to ask hat bird a few questions about all of the things which have been going on around here. How do we get him off the road?”
“We need to put down some wooden boards on the tar so we can get closer to him.” Ralph said. “Then maybe we can pull him out.”
At this time, the giant chicken was squawking helplessly as the bystanders watched him try to pull his feet out of the tar.
“It serves him right, the big bully.” One woman remarked. “He and his kind have caused nothing but trouble ever since they got here!”
“He doesn’t look so tough now.” Another lady said. “Maybe we ought to teach him a lesson for all the problems he and his pals started.”
“What’s that I smell?” A small boy asked.
Nobody had really noticed it, but the gas can that the bird had knocked over earlier had leaked out all over the road.
Ralph recognized a potential hazard when he saw one. “Now everybody please stand back!” He repeated. “Some gas has leaked out on the road and I don’t want anyone near it.”
The people backed up a few steps Casey and Wills made sure that they kept their distance. Then they laid some boards on the tar and tried to reach for the giant chicken.
Suddenly, the unthinkable happened. Accidents often happen when nobody expects them. This turned out to be one of those times. Nobody even knew exactly how it occurred. Regardless as to who was at fault, the result was a disaster.
Maybe someone threw a cigarette butt on the road. Maybe someone accidentally set off a spark nearby. Whatever the case, at that moment, the road suddenly went up into flames. The people watching jumped back in horror. Casey, Wills, and Ralph all managed to jump away from the road in time to avoid the flames. But one victim wasn’t so lucky.
The giant chicken squawked in agony as it caught on fire. The people watched in shock as it burned.
“Quick! Somebody get a fire extinguisher!” Ralph yelled.
Another construction worker came to the rescue. He handed the CO2 canister to Wills and she squirted it on the blaze. However, by this time, it appeared to be too late. The bird was one big raging inferno. It collapsed on the tar in a large black heap. All Wills could do was to put out the few remaining flames.
“I’ve heard about being tarred and feathered, but this is ridiculous!” One woman said.
“That’s one roasted chicken.” Another lady commented.
“Somebody call 911!” Ralph yelled. “Get an ambulance! Get the fire department!”
“Or get some barbeque sauce!” The little boy snickered.
Meanwhile, Mildred Davis was busy vacuuming her living room. She thought that she heard a strange noise.
“Oh, dear!” She muttered. “I hope this thing isn’t acting up again.”
The housewife kept hearing the sound. Cluck- cluck cluck, it kept going. She wanted to investigate the problem. However, as long as the vacuum was working, she decided that she couldn’t wait.
I’ll look at it when I finish this room, she thought.
The clucking sound persisted. In fact, it sounded like it was getting louder.
Just a few more minutes and I’ll have this done. If it keeps doing this, I’m going to get rid of it.
She finished the room and turned off the vacuum. Then she bent down next to it in order to get a closer look.
“Darn this thing!” She exclaimed. “If it’s that belt again…”
The clucking sound had started again. But it wasn’t coming from the vacuum. Mildred froze in horror. She turned around slowly and saw a giant chicken in the room.
“Aaaaaaaah!” She screamed. “What do you want? Keep away! Keep away!” She wanted to run, but the beast was blocking her way.
The feathered fiend stood there and cackled madly. Then he started to approach her slowly.
“Aaaaaaaaaah!” She screamed again. Mildred didn’t know what else to do, so she turned on the vacuum cleaner and pointed it at the beast. The giant chicken tried to grab her, but she managed to evade him. She used her tool as a weapon to suck his feathers off.
“Go away!” She warned. “Or I’ll pluck you clean!”
The intruder tried to get the vacuum out of her hands, but Mildred held on firmly. She attacked him with the cleaner and stripped off several feathers.
“How dare you! Take that!” She yelled as she scraped him with the vacuum. The brute howled as the feathers were torn off of him.
Finally, he had had enough of the struggle. The giant chicken fled from the room and ran out of the house. Mildred pursued him as far as her electrical cord would allow. Dozens of feathers filled the air as she watched the fugitive escape into the distance.
“Well, that must be the biggest house pest I ever got rid of!” She exclaimed.
Officers Bradley and Maris had been very busy investigating the giant chicken sightings and complaints. Sometimes the feathered fiends were involved in harmless pranks. Other times, they were seen committing offenses of a more serious nature. The police were currently looking into one of those cases. A body had been found in some woods nearby. The officers were gathering evidence and looking for clues.
“Did you call it in?” Bradley asked.
“Yeah, the ambulance is on its way.” Maris said as he looked at the body. “It must be the work of those giant chickens again.”
“This guy looks like he’s been pecked to death.” Bradley commented. “We’d better put out an A.P.B. on this pecker. I’ve seen some peckers in my time, but this must be the pecker of all peckers!”
Maris shook his head in frustration. “I sure hope we can handle this pecker.”
Bradley nodded his head. “I know we will. I really want to get this pecker.”
Fellow officers Casey and Wills were also on the hunt for giant chickens. At this time, they were cruising the streets of Littleville. They had orders to stop, question, and detain any feathered fellows if they found them.
“Whatever is going on, we’ve got to put an end to it.” Casey commented. “This chicken thing has gone entirely too far.”
“I’m glad that we were able to reach the state police and the army.” Wills added. “They’ll know what to do before this situation gets any worse.”
“Yes, there seems to be too many of these creatures around for us to handle.” Casey replied. “If we only knew where they were headquartered, then we could get them all at once.” Wills noticed something funny going on in a car which just passed them. Two giant chickens were driving around in a convertible.
“That’s them! That’s them!” She yelled as she stepped on the gas, turned on the flashers, and started the siren.
The feathered fellows seemed to ignore the police car behind them. They appeared to be unusually adept at driving and tried to lose the cruiser by weaving in and out of traffic.
“This car 14…” J.C. reported on the car phone. “We are in hot pursuit of two chicks…I mean two suspects going north on Main street. Suspects are in a red Porsche convertible with the license plate letters BAD BIRDS…Do you read me?”
The dispatcher responded in the affirmative. She said that additional cruisers would be sent to that area to assist with the pursuit. She also announced that roadblocks would be set up at all of the major entrances and exits of the town. No birds were going to get in or out without the police knowing about it. Unless they flew, of course.
Wills was right on the tail of those chickens. She was so close that the feathers of the birds were flying up onto her windshield.
Casey was listening on the phone. “I just got a report that a car bearing this description was recently stolen.” He said. “Why doesn’t that surprise me? Do you know any dealer in his right mind who would sell a car to a chicken?”
His partner ignored him as she concentrated on the chase. The feathered fiends were now driving so fast that she was concerned that they might hit somebody.
J.C. watched as the street signs went by and reported the progress of the pursuit. “We just passed Nest Street…Beak Street.. Worm Street. These guys may be chickens, but you could hardly tell that by the way they drive. They seem to fear nothing.”
Suddenly, the Porsche stopped. Another car had blocked its path and it came to a screeching halt. The convertible stopped so abruptly that one of the chickens literally flew forward out of the passenger’s seat and over the front of the car. Several bystanders watched as the big yellow beast seemed to use his wings to glide through the air. However, his flight was short and limited. As his feathers waved in the wind, he crashed head first into a Ben Tucky’s restaurant billboard. His head stuck out in the spot of the advertisement so that it looked like he was being eaten.
His buddy had not given up the chase, however. The giant chicken driver made a turn to avoid the car which had blocked him and started driving up the sidewalk. The pedestrians fled left and right to get out of its way.
“Move it, buster!” Wills yelled at the driver of the brown station wagon. The motorist meekly complied and the chase was on again.
“This guy is bird meat now!” Casey exclaimed. “He should go to the coop for life!”
The feathered fiend pulled off the sidewalk and drove in front of the cruiser again. He made a right turn, but it turned out to be a wrong turn. The chase continued going the wrong way on a one way street.
“Whatever hazard pay I get for this, it won’t be enough!” Wills remarked as she dodged the various cars coming at her. Fortunately, the convertible was breaking a path for them through the traffic. But the police were bracing for a major crash to occur at any moment.
The fugitive managed to turn right onto another street and the pursuit was headed in the right way again. However, this did not lessen the probability that an accident might happen. No other car or person had been hit during this chase and that was astounding to the participants.
Suddenly, the inevitable happened. A large semi pulled out in front of the convertible. The fugitive was boxed in on the left and on the right by other traffic. He slammed on the brakes, but it was too late. The Porsche went right under the truck. The windshield was smashed right off. But that was not the most shocking part of the accident. The chicken hadn’t ducked before the impact. He had been decapitated!
Wills breathed a sigh of relief. The long, dangerous chase was over. Or was it? The car with the headless chicken kept driving away!
“Now this is really crazy!” Casey exclaimed. “I’ve heard of losing your head…”
“One more joke and you may lose yours!” The driver snapped at him. “Just cut the comedy and let me get him!”
“O.K. O.K.” He agreed.
The convertible drove on for another block. Suddenly, it crashed into a large black pick-up.
“What’s the matter, you?” The driver yelled at the Porsche. “Can’t you see?”
Incredibly, the headless giant chicken stood up out of the front seat on the car. He shook his wing at the other driver in anger. Blood was spurting wildly from the feathered fiend’s neck.
The officers in pursuit had finally caught up with the fugitive. They stopped the car, pulled out their guns, and pointed them at the suspect.
“Freeze, turkey!” Wills yelled. “Get your wings…I mean get your hands up!”
The decapitated monster ignored their demands. It jumped out of the convertible and started running down the sidewalk. A man gasped and two women fainted at the sight of it.
“Oh, don’t tell me that we’re gong to have to chop off its legs as well!” J.C. muttered.
Wills ignored his comment. The two kept chasing the bad bird for another block.
Just when it seemed as though they would never catch it, the giant chicken started slowing down. He ran into some pedestrians, a street light, and a signpost. By this time, his feathers were all covered with the blood spurting out of his neck. As the horrified people looked on, the monster did a little dance of death. He stumbled along the sidewalk for a few more feet. Finally, he collapsed in a heap by the corner.
“Police! Police!” Wills yelled. “Make way!”
The policemen caught up with the fugitive at last. Casey had some handcuffs ready. But now, he saw that he didn’t need them. As he examined the bird’s wings, he didn’t even see how he would have used them anyway. The body didn’t seem to have any hands at all. He looked at the bloody neck closely.
“Well, I’ll be …” He stammered in disbelief. “This isn’t a guy in a chicken suit. This was a real giant chicken!”
Wills was talking on her cell phone as her partner looked at the bloody mess on the sidewalk.
“I just talked to Marge. She told me that the state police and the army should be here any minute now!”
Suddenly, everyone in the area started hearing a strange noise. The sound had been quiet at first. But now it was getting louder and louder. It was kind of a humming, vibrating noise. It reminded Wills of the type of buzzing that a bee made when it landed on her ear once. By this time, the sound had grown so annoying that people were covering their ears and trying to run away from it.
“What’s that noise?” J.C. yelled.
“It’s coming from over there!” Wills shouted as she pointed downtown.
At that moment, they saw what it was. A huge egg had emerged from out of the clouds. It hovered over the town slowly. The strange, round white object briefly blocked out the sun. It cast a huge shadow for a few moments and then it moved on. The people below were screaming and running in all different directions.
“Run for your lives!”
“It’s the egg of the world!”
“It’s the Eggpocalypse!”
“It’s the judgment egg!”
“It’s the day of the chicken!”
“It’s the war of the weirdos!”
The egg-shaped spaceship began to drop objects on the town. The bombs, if they could be described like that, looked like giant egg yolks. However, instead of exploding, they just burned up anything they landed on like acid. One of bombs landed on a car near Wills and Casey. The big yellow yolk quickly dissolved the vehicle down to nothing.
The egg ship was also dropping a lot of feathers on the people. But this was no ordinary chicken covering. These feathers seemed to stick to whatever they touched. Several of the townsfolk were turned into raving, mad, feather-covered creatures.
For the most part, the police could only watch in disbelief as this disorder continued. There was so much chaos going on that all they could do was to try to help people get away and wait for reinforcements.
At that moment, the huge egg descended down in a nearby park. It landed gently on several legs which extended out of the spaceship to cushion its impact on the ground. A mechanical door opened out of its side, a long tube came out, and several giant chickens started marching out onto the lawn. They appeared to be armed with various weapons. Some of them had ray guns, some of them had nets, but all of them had evil smiles on their faces.
Suddenly, a white car tried to drive by the chickens. The driver was attempting to avoid them, but the feathered fiends kept getting in his way. He honked his horn at them, but that just made them madder. They started pecking on the vehicle with their beaks. That was the last straw for the man behind the wheel. He just stepped on the gas and ran over any beast which was in his way. The car drove down the street and left most of the monsters in the dust. He couldn’t seen to get rid of one the birds, though. That critter was spread eagle out on top of his hood. It was trying to peck his windshield out. The driver knew what to do, though. He drove right into a carwash. The poor chicken wailed as all of his feathers were scrubbed off by the brushes and the hot water. By the time that car was finished, the bird looked like he was ready for dinner.
Amazingly, the giant chicken who had been thrown from the convertible and had his head smashed into the billboard was still breathing. In fact, he had found enough strength to pull his head out of the sign. He was about to look for his friends when he was started by the appearance of two police officers on the scene. Their guns were drawn and pointing at him.
“Freeze, turkey!” Bradley demanded.
The bird looked confused.
“I don’t think he understands.” Maris said. “Maybe we should be talking to him in Chickenese or something.”
“Oh, he knows, alright.” His partner insisted. “He’s just looking for a way to escape.” He turned his attention to the suspect again. “Okay, chicken! Reach for the sky!”
The feathered creature held up his wings as he was told. Then he unexpectedly leaped onto the ledge of the building and looked down to the traffic way below.
“He’s gonna jump! He’s gonna jump!” Maris yelled nervously.
“No, man! Don’t do it!” Bradley shouted.
But it was too late. The giant chicken leapt off the edge. However, he did not fall immediately. He managed to stay in the air a little while by flapping his wings furiously. However, gravity started taking a toll on his progress. He flew for a little bit, then he was just gliding. Finally, that bird was falling in a downward spiral.
At a sidewalk café below, a lady was talking with her waiter.
She pointed to the menu and asked, “What’s the big chicken special?”
At that moment, the giant chicken crashed down on a table beside her.
“Uh, never mind.” The woman said as she looked as the bloody mess of feathers beside her. “I think I’ll just have a salad.”
The two officers looked down on their suspect below.
“Should we go down there and pick him up?” Maris asked.
“Well, by the way he looks now, I think that you’re going to need a putty knife to do that!” Bradley muttered. “It’s a good thing chicken can’t fly.”
“Not unless they have spaceships!” His partner remarked.
Not too far away, a young couple was walking down a road in the country. They were talking about stopping to eat some place. The man stopped and looked around.
“I could swear that I smelled some fried chicken.” He remarked. “But I don’t see any restaurants around here.”
The woman nodded. “You’re right! I smell it, also. But where could it be coming from?”
They wandered behind some bushes and they were amazed by what they found. There was a huge picnic basket back there. It must have been four feet high and eight feet long. The top was covered with a large checkered cloth. The aroma of food was definitely coming from there.
“Um, I wonder what’s in the basket, it sure smells good. I bet there’s some fine chicken in there.” The man said as he licked his lips.
“I dunno.” The woman replied cautiously. “A basket this size seems kind of creepy. Besides, it isn’t ours.”
“Aw, what are you afraid of?” He asked. “Let’s go ahead and look. It won’t bite you. I bet that there’s so much there that they won’t notice that anything is missing. Come on, just a few pieces.”
“Well, okay.” She agreed. The two approached the basket.
They were just about ready to lift the cloth off when they got the surprise of their lives. Two giant chicken wings grabbed them and pulled them inside the container. It happened so quickly that they didn’t even have time to scream. Nobody missed them either.
Meanwhile, officers Wills and Casey were busy confronting some giant chickens at a nearby restaurant. Four of the feathered fiends ferociously fought the officers.
“Everybody, get out! Mad chicken! Mad chicken!” Somebody yelled as the beasts started smashing tables, breaking windows, and attacking customers.
Wills got one of the birds down, but she could find no way to cuff him. The restraints just weren’t big enough to fit on his wings. She was forced to allow the alien to escape when a friend came to his rescue. She shot at the critters, but her bullets seemed to have little effect.
“How about lunch on me?” She shouted as she picked up a table leaden with food. Wills threw the entire contents at her attacker. He fell to the floor and was momentarily stunned.
Casey clobbered another feathered fiend with a chair. But the beast just laughed as the furniture just broke apart on his head without even hurting him. The officer then tried to pummel the brute with a long wooden pole. However, the beast snapped the pole into pieces with his sharp, powerful beak.
By this time, the customers were fleeing this scene in panic. Some of them where hiding under tables. Others were lining up to escape through the exits. However, some of them actually had enough nerve to try to stand up to the invaders.
Ed and Al had been having lunch at the place when the fighting had broken out. Now that they saw that the police were in trouble, they knew that it was time to act.
Just as the giant chicken was about ready to take a chomp out of J.C., Al grabbed him from behind. He jumped on the back of the bird and tired to get it in a headlock.
“I’ve got him! I’ve got him!” Al yelled as the alien went around in circles trying to get him off.
The officer saw his opportunity. He ran toward the bird and kicked him with a flying leap. The feathered fiend fell down, unconscious.
“Al, get something to tie him up with. I’ve got to help the others!” Casey requested.
His friend nodded. He started rolling up the giant chicken tightly in a large table cloth. The beast struggled, but he couldn’t get out.
J.C. chased another one of the creatures throughout the restaurant. They ran into the kitchen. Another critter was threatening Wills with a knife there. She kicked the blade right out of his wing. Then she clobbered him on the head with a large pot.
“How’s that for a chicken in a pot?” She laughed as she punched the bird several times in his midsection. The beast tried unsuccessfully to remove the metal container from its head, but the pot was hopelessly stuck there. The bird fumbled around blindly and collapsed from the shock of the officer’s blows.
Casey was trying to apprehend the other giant chicken. However, the beast wasn’t going down willingly. It started throwing pots, pans, and other utensils at the cop. The officer did his best to dodge all of the unidentified frying objects being tossed at him.
Suddenly, the feathered fiend made a charge at him. The bird pushed the policeman up next to the wall. Its angry beak snapped next to Casey’s face. The cop reached around trying to find something to protect himself. He grabbed a wire sieve and muzzled his assailant with it. Then he kicked that bad bird so hard that it fell into a large deep fat fryer. The beast screamed as his tail feathers were burned off in cooking oil.
“I like my chicken fried!” He remarked as the creature approached him again. The oversized gamecock charged at him. J.C. dodged the beast and sent him headfirst into a dough mixing machine. The bad bird wailed in agony as he became caught in a large bowl of dough. Finally, he collapsed in exhaustion.
“There you go, chicken in a biscuit!” the policeman exclaimed proudly.
Meanwhile, Wills was battling still another bad bird who had just entered the kitchen. Casey couldn’t tell if his partner was fighting or dancing with the critter by the way they were struggling. The chicken was hugging the officer, but it was not a sign of love. He looked like he wanted to crush her. The cop stomped on the feet of the beast and broke free. The feathered fiend then tried to stab her with a knife. Wills quickly knocked the weapon out of his wing with a frying pan. She then pounded him on the head a few times for good measure. The creature knocked the pan out of her hand and grabbed her again. The two held each other tightly as they struggled around in circles. The brute acted like he wanted to give her a little peck on her neck. But the officer didn’t want that huge beak anywhere near her flesh. She grabbed a rolling pin and whacked him again. He came charging at her like a mad bull. Wills jumped and grabbed an overhead rafter. She swung with all of her might at the chicken. The bad bird was knocked squarely into a nearby pizza oven. The cop quickly closed the door on it and turned up the temperature.
“I like my chicken baked.” She said as she sat down to catch her breath.
By this time, Casey taken care of the two other birds. He rushed to her side.
“Are you alright?”
“Yeah, he just winged me!” Wills laughed as she felt her arm. “Nothing broken. Nothing that can’t heal.”
“Well, come on, then!” He replied. “We have some more cluck butt to kick!” He gave her a hand and helped his partner to her feet.
“But there’s so many of them.” She commented. “How can we take them all on?”
“Of course, we can do it.” J.C. stated confidently. “Anything is possible. When there’s a Wills, there’s a way!”
She gave him a dirty look. But deep down, she hoped he was right.
The giant chicken invasion was proceeding according to the plan which has been hatched by the aliens. They were getting what they came for. They would leave only when they had everything they wanted.
The eggship loaded up its cargo and left the downtown area. It sped through the air to another location. At a secret place, the birds of prey would prepare for their long journey home.
Colonel Cluck, the giant chicken leader, continued to oversee every step of the mission. He watched as more food supplies were loaded aboard the ship. He gave many orders on what was to be taken.
“Attack and capture as many of them as possible.” He told his troops. “We must gather food for our planet.”
An officer showed him a list of the inventory. The general examined it closely and nodded.
“Let’s see… twenty legs, ten breasts, twenty racks of ribs, and several side dishes of lady fingers. Even reading about it makes me very hungry!” He laughed with a cackle.
Some of the other feathered fiends were taking a break from their duties. A brown rooster was looking at pictures of chicks in one of his magazines, called “Paycock.” Another bad bird was clipping his huge toenails. The pieces were snapping off in all different directions. One of the toenails hit a small chicken called Short Cluck in the beak. The other creatures just laughed at him and he shuffled away sadly.
Short Cluck wasn’t like the other invaders. He was just a runt, so he couldn’t really be mean to others without getting pecked on. Therefore, he spent most of his time doing what he was told or avoiding everyone. He doesn’t even like meat that much. He had wanted to go see earth so that he could meet people, not eat people. Now he was discouraged by all of the violence he had seen.
At this time, he was eating a vegetarian meal in the mess hall of the eggship. He sat at a table by himself as all of the other giant chickens clucked loudly at another table nearby. Short Cluck looked at the purple, pink, and blue shapes on his plate and began eating. The other aliens feasted on their fried human pieces.
A big red chicken by the name of Shlong suspiciously stared at the short one from a distance. He didn’t trust anyone who wasn’t sharing in the spoils of the mission.
“What’s the matter, runt?” Shlong cackled. “Why don’t you eat meat? What are you? Human?”
The bad birds clucked in laugher. Short Cluck decided to ignore the question. He finished his vegetables and then he went up to the counter for a second helping. He was on his way back to his table when suddenly, pulled out in fond of him. The small guy stumbled to the floor and the pieces of his meal rolled away.
Shlong chuckled heartily.
“So, runt, did you enjoy the trip?”
Short Cluck looked up. He saw that the rooster bully was at least twice his size. The little chicken decided to crawl away meekly.
Suddenly, he felt someone pulling his tail feathers.
“I’m not done with you yet, runt!” Shlong snarled as he grabbed the little guy. “It’s about time you learned the pecking order around here!”
Oh, no! Not that! Short Cluck tried to get away, but the big red chicken held on firmly. The other bad birds surrounded the two so that they could all see the action.
Shlong had the bird right where he wanted him. He was ready to give that chicken a licking.
“Stop this at once!” A loud voice bellowed “Attention!”
Immediately, all of the feather fiends stopped what they were doing and got into a line. Colonel Cluck entered the room.
“Your lunch break is over! All of you clucks get back to your stations!” He shouted.
The flock marched out the door. Short Cluck was about to join them, but the commander held him back.
“Everyone except you!” The general cackled. “It’s your turn to clean the coops!”
The little chicken sighed and left the mess.
CHAPTER FIVE
Besides humans, the giant chickens gathered other food as well. The bad birds stole a pickup truck and drove it to a nearby worm farm. After capturing the owner, Mr. Henderson, they started to load several boxes of the worms into the back. Some of the feather fiends couldn’t even wait to eat until they returned to the spaceship. They wanted some food right then. One big yellow fellow had his own way of devouring the earth crawlers. He sucked and sucked and sucked. Slowly, the squiggly creatures started going up the straw. The chicken said that they were delicious. The only regretted that he lacked some barbeque sauce to go with them.
After enjoying their meal, the chickens tried to start the truck. However, the engine just wouldn’t turn over for some reason. The bad bird was not worried, though. The big yellow fellow got out of his communicator and made a bird call to the spaceship. The commander agreed to fly over there and pick them up.
Eggbert McFeather remained a prisoner on the eggship. He didn’t really mind because he was fascinated by the giant chickens. He felt that they were even superior to mankind. The radical activist even wanted to help the bad birds take over the world by advising them on the invasion.
“I believe that your most important priority should be freeing the imprisoned chicken population of earth.” He told his feathered interpreter. “They are your most important allies. Once the people of the world have seen how superior you are, they will lay down their arms and surrender.”
As his statement was repeated in the chicken language, the alien creatures clucked loudly and nodded their heads. McFeather felt as though they understood him and agreed with what he was saying.
“I further believe that all animals everywhere should be free.” He continued. “We should empty all of the cages in every zoo, every circus, every shelter, and every slaughterhouse! We should let them go whether they want and let them do whatever they want. We should not spay or neuter them. We should let them produce as many offspring as they like! Think of the millions of souls we could save! The streets of the world could have millions of more animals as potential allies for our cause!”
“I believe in what you are doing. You could be masters of our world! Destiny in your wings. Show us a way to a brighter future. Lead us and we shall follow. With your help, the world could be won for animal kind!”
As McFeather’s speech was relayed through the translator, the giant chickens looked at him in amazement. Suddenly, they clapped their wings together and crowed in delight.
“Thank you, thank you.” The human activist said. He blushed in modesty as the bad birds shook his hand and patted him on the back. Then they led him to a comfortable chair and served him a drink. It tasted unusual to him. They allowed him to watch some television as they discussed some matters among themselves.
McFeather had watched the television for only minutes when he discovered the programs were nothing like he had ever seen before. There were giant chickens on every channel! He suddenly realized that these shows were being broadcast form the home planet of the aliens. He was very amused by what he saw.
On one station, there was a horror movie. Giant humans were capturing, killing, and eating chickens. On another channel, it looked like a talk show. He couldn’t understand all of the clucking that was going on, but the feathered fellows looked like they were having some sort of discussion. The topic of the day was, “Which came first, the chicken or the egg?” Various eggsperts were on hand to give their opinions.
On another station, there appeared to be a some type of comedy show. One giant chicken was doing a stand-up monologue in front of several other birds. McFeather didn’t know what the creature was saying. The jokes were all in Chickenese. However, the punch line was subtitled in English. The comedian received many cheers when he said the line, “All we want to do is to serve man!” For some reason, everyone seemed to think that joke was really funny.
On another channel, he watched what appeared to be the chicken planet news. The broadcaster was another feathered creature who was reading reports from a script. As usual, McFeather couldn’t understand a word the guy was saying. However, the station aired several pictures with every story so that he was given some idea about what was going on. There were items on Mad Chicken disease, an eggship wreck, and about Miss Chickie, an actress.
The news about the other planet was really strange. However, when the announcer started talking about food, McFeather began to get upset. He saw various images of a giant chicken family eating a meal. But this was no ordinary dish. Those feathered fiends were consuming the breaded legs, ribs, thighs, breasts, and arms of real human beings! He even saw a breaded head lying in a basket. One of the bad birds remarked about how he loved ladyfingers and then he munched on a hand! The announcer then mentioned the name of a fried human restaurant and its motto, “All we want to do is to serve man!” Another chicken added, “Preferably with mustard sauce!” and all of his friends laughed.
“Now just wait a minute, here!” McFeather muttered indignantly. He got up out of his chair. Suddenly, he noticed that all of the birds were watching him closely. He looked around for any door which looked like an exit, but found nothing. Several feathered fiends reached out to grab him, he managed to run down a hallway. He thought that the might have a chance to escape. However, he ran straight into the wings of the big red chicken, Shlong.
“Hey, let me go! Let me out of here!” He yelled, but it was too late. The aliens dragged him into another room. He was quickly strapped into a contraption which looked ominously like an electric chair.
“Wait, fellows!” He spoke nervously. “Can’t we talk this over? I won’t tell anyone. I promise! I’m really like one of you guys! Can’t we work something out? Please! I don’t want to die! I’ll do anything you ask. On, please let me live!”
The giant chickens clucked among themselves. Then they spoke to the interpretor bird. The feathered fiend turned around, looked McFeather straight in the eye, and asked, “Anything?”
“Yes, anything!” the activist replied weakly.
At that moment, the bad birds crowed loudly. As the man lay strapped helplessly in the chair, the aliens started pressing several buttons on the wall. They attached a large helmet on top of his head. He found himself surrounded by several beams of light as though he was trapped inside a rainbow.
McFeather wanted to scream. However, he knew that that effort would be useless. He decided to try to remain calm. He saw various lights blinking on the wall. He noticed little electric currents flowing through several wires. He also observed a large bowl of yellow goo bubbling in the distance. It was enclosed in a glass dome and splashed along the sides frequently. He heard some whirring, snapping, buzzing, ringing, clanging, humming, grinding, and clucking noises.
He noticed Colonel Cluck had entered the room. The commander clucked happily for several minutes.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” He sounded like that over and over again.
The interpreter looked at the man and smiled.
“He says that today you shall make history! You shall have the honor of being the first of your kind to make the great leap forward to a greater stage of evolution!”
“O.K.” McFeather said slowly.
Suddenly, he began to feel funny. He looked at his hand. He couldn’t tell if he was turning yellow or maybe it was just the lighting. Whatever the case, his skin was beginning to itch. His mouth began to feel dry. He felt like he had tears in his eyes. His stomach started churning. Then the situation really got strange.
McFeather looked at his hand in horror. There seemed to be something growing out of it. He thought that he was growing hairs all over his body at a fantastic rate. But they weren’t hairs! To his surprise, he found that he was sprouting feathers!
He felt the feathers growing out of his entire body. He could feel them on his legs, on his hands, on his chest, and on his face. They began shooting up through his clothes. They started tearing his shirt and pants into shreds. They were kind of ticklish, but he didn’t feel like laughing. He was amazed that all of this was happening without too much pain. This wasn’t what he expected, but he preferred it instead of being killed.
The giant chickens continued to monitor the progress of his transformation. They kept pushing buttons, adjusting knobs, pulling levers, and reading results. They still clucked loudly among themselves. Colonel Cluck frequently gave out orders to the others. He stared intently at the man in the chair and smiled.
Mc Feather began to feel other changes in his body. His nose started growing slowly. It became larger and harder. He realized that it was becoming a beak. His feet were getting larger, also. They were bursting out of his shoes. He stared in disbelief as his toes extended into long, sharp talons. He tried to move his arms, but they were still firmly strapped down. By this time, he was so covered with feathers that he couldn’t see his own skin anymore. He felt his arms growing wider and larger. They were turning into wings. His fingers seemed to be shrinking. He saw that his hands had turned into small claws.
Suddenly, the transformation ended. The lights flickered and stopped shining on him. The room grew silent as the noises from the machines ceased. The aliens surrounded him and stared quietly. Then they abruptly crowed loudly with delight. They shook each other’s wings and patted each other on the back. Apparently, the operation had been success. Everything had gone as planned and the patient was still alive.
The giant chickens then removed the restraints which had held McFeather down. They patted him on the back and urged him to get up. The chicken man slowly rose out of the chair. He stumbled on his new feet, but the aliens helped to keep him from falling. After a few steps, he managed to walk on his own. He stretched out his wings and flapped them in the air.
“Well, how do I look?” He asked. His voice seemed unaffected by this whole process.
The feathered creatures stared at him for a moment in silence. Then they clapped their wings together and stomped their feet on the floor. Colonel Cluck smiled with approval. He chirped out a message to McFeather and then gave him a big hug. The former human still didn’t understand anything that was being said. However, he felt that he had finally been accepted by the aliens.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” The bad birds cheered. One of them brought out a large container of green liquid. They poured the stuff into several tall glasses and passed them around.
The activist wasn’t so sure that this drink would be any good. However, he decided to try some anyway. It tasted very sweet and was very sticky. For him, it was kind of like trying to drink honey. He decided that he liked it and even gestured for a second helping.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” McFeather crowed loudly. He didn’t even know what he was saying. All he could do was to imitate the sounds of those around him.
The birds seemed to understand. They nodded their heads in agreement.
The chicken man looked at his new friends. He didn’t feel like he was in shock any longer. He felt comfortable in his body. He finally felt that he was a part of something big. Perhaps this could be a new destiny for mankind. He smiled. He was one of them now.
As the giant chicken scientists celebrated the success of their experiment, arrangements were being made for the expedition to depart from earth. Large quantities of food supplies were being gathered for the long voyage home. All of the aliens had been ordered to return to the eggship and they were taking dozens of prisoners with them.
Several of the capture humans watched the bad birds walking back and forth. The prisoners had tried to find a way to break out of their cages, but nothing had worked so far. Hemington had even attempted to dig a hole in the dirt floor. However, he found out that there was concrete beneath the dirt and there was no way that he could break through that. Scrounge had tried to find some weak spot in the cage itself. He felt for sure that there must be a way to escape. But he couldn’t find any. The makeshift prison was firmly reinforced with several layers of chicken wire.
Bruno sat in the corner and shook.
“What do you suppose they are going to do with us?” He asked nervously.
Henderson chuckled. “I’ve got some good news and bad news. The good news is that we’ve all been invited to dinner. The bad news is that we’re the main course!” he was a man who could find some humor in even the bleakest of situations.
“There’s got to be a way out of here.” Scrounge muttered. “We can’t be held prisoners by a bunch of chickens. Somebody think of something before it’s too late.”
“I never thought that it could have happened. Hemington lamented. “I would have never believed that a hunter like me could be hunted and captured like a common animal.”
“If I ever get out of this, I swear I’ll never eat another living thing again.” Bruno whimpered. The poor boy was practically on the verge of tears.
“I never ate a living thing in my life anyway!” Henderson remarked. “Everything I ate was dead.”
“You’re not helping this situation with your remarks.” Scrounge snapped back. “You’re just upsetting the boy with your comments. What we need now is a plan of action.”
He walked over to Bruno and patted him on the head.
“Everything’s going to be alright.”
“I’m not trying to make things any worse than they actually are.” Henderson explained. “I just think that this situation is so crazy that it’s hard for me to take it seriously. I mean, who would have ever believed that this could have happened? Giant chickens from outer space? I certainly never would have guessed. I’m just saying why not make the best of a bad situation? A little bit of gallows humor never hurt anyone.”
“Oh, yeah?” Scrounge replied angrily. “And I suppose that you’re the type of guy who’s going to offer them cooking tips while they boil you in a pot?”
“Well, if they ask, I could give them some advice.” The worm farmer said casually. “I could tell them, now don’t put too much pepper on me. It gives me a rash. Or, I’m sure I’d taste better with a bit of basil and oregano.”
“Unbelievable!” Hemington sighed.
“What I could really use now is a lot of chocolate.” Henderson commented.
“Oh, how would that help us?” Scrounge asked impatiently. He started pacing the floor of the cage restlessly.
“Well, if everyone here ate a lot of chocolate, then we’d all break out!” the worm farmer said.
“Your jokes aren’t doing us any good.” The drifter muttered.
“Your attitude isn’t doing you any good.” Henderson replied. “You ought to look on the bright side.”
“The bright side?” Scrounge whined. “What bright side?”
“Well, at least you won’t have to go to work tomorrow.”
“Great! I wasn’t going to work tomorrow anyway! I don’t have a job! The only thing I want to work at is getting out of here!”
“Well, that may be difficult.”
“And what make you so sure?”
“Because, my friend, I built this cage myself.”
“You what?”
“That’s right. This is my farm, so I built this cage myself.”
“Why in the world would you build a cage like this?”
“I built it to hold chickens.”
Scrounge stamped his foot on the ground.
“That’s just great! Now the chickens are on the outside and we’re on the inside!”
“Yep, this must be their way of getting back at me.” Henderson replied.
At this time, officers Wills and Casey were cruising around the countryside. They were hunting for some giant chickens. The bad birds were in hiding again, but the police wouldn’t give up looking for them.
Casey was talking on his cell phone while his partner was at the wheel.
“Right…good…well, let me know if you find out anything new…over and out.”
“So, what is it? What’s happening?” Wills asked.
“Good news!” J.C. replied. “The army is in Littleville now. The state police and the National Guard are here. The F.B.I. is on its way. Although I didn’t hear anything about the Eggs-file people!” He smiled.
“That’s good. That’s great!” She remarked. “Finally, some people believe in us. I wasn’t sure that we would get anyone to help us. Our problem was so different, so unique, and so unusual that people really had to see it in order to understand.”
Casey nodded. “Now that I’ve seen it myself, I still find it hard to believe.”
“You didn’t mention to them that we were fighting giant chickens, did you?”
“No, how could I do that? We tried that before and nobody believed us. They thought that it was some kind of joke. I told them that there had been a lot of people missing in this area. That’s true, right? I told them that they’d better get here because the situation was out of hand. We couldn’t handle it. I told the to get here before everyone in town disappeared, okay. Now that they’re here, they’ll find out about the problem. They will see that we were telling the truth. They will find a way to deal with it.” J.C. said.
His partner sighed. “I think that we should have a little more specific. After all, they might not be prepared for something like this. We couldn’t have expected anything like it. I sure hope that they are better at dealing with it than we were.”
“Right.” He agreed. “They’ve got to stop this before it’s too late.”
The man scratched his head and looked out the window.
“I wonder how many other places have this particular problem?” Casey asked. “Do you suppose that we’ll qualify for disaster aid? Do you think that insurance policies cover damages caused by this sort of thing? How could they write it up and still take it seriously?”
“I think that this has happened before.” Wills replied. “I don’t believe that we could be the first.”
“If this had happened before, I think we would have heard about it.” J.C. continued. “I mean, the whole world would have heard about it. There would have been so many witnesses. The government never would have been able to cover it up. That’s why I believe that this may be our first encounter with an alien life form. The evidence is so overwhelming now, what is happening here will be a part of history.”
“But what about all of the other reports in the past?” The lady cop insisted. “Isn’t there enough evidence to suggest that this has happened before?”
“There have been many sightings of UFOs in history.” The passenger said. “However, for the most part, there has been no physical proof that earth was ever visited by extraterrestrials. That is, until this week.”
“But what about eyewitness reports? What about photographs?” Wills asked.
“Eyewitnesses can be mistaken.” Casey explained. “There are a lot of lights in the sky that nobody can identify. Most of the time, they are just airplanes, helicopters, satellites, falling stars, reflections from automobiles…why, even model airplanes have been mistaken for UFOs. When I say physical proof, I mean things like alien bodies, parts from spacecrafts, or any items of extraterrestrial origin. None of that has ever been found.”
“What about crop circles? She inquired. “Aren’t they enough evidence?”
“No.” J.C. shook his head. “They are the biggest hoaxes of all. For one thing, they do not happen as often as many people think. When they are found, the circles are often constructed in a way to suggest that they were created by a couple of guys dragging a heavy board around in circles. Have you ever seen a piccture of a crop circle? Of course you have. Some of them appear to be very detailed in the photographs, at least. That’s because almost all of the photographs have also been faked. Why try to create an actual crop circle in a field when you can fake one on a computer? Let me tell you this. I can think of some evidence of crop circles that you will never see. You cannot see video footage of a good crop circle from the air. You can only see still photographs. So why is that? The answer is that they cannot fake video footage as well as still photographs. The hoaxers just cannot make them look convincing enough. Another thing that they miss is the absence of people in the pictures. Why don’t they photograph people with the crop circles? The answer is that the hoaxers can’t fake people that well either. They would rather make pictures which are out of focus, too far away, in black and white, or digitally enhanced. The hoaxers don’t want to let you know what is real. They just want to fool you with a lot of lies so that you will buy their books, movies, TV shows, and all that other crap. But we know what the truth is. We have seen it firsthand. To tell you the truth, I didn’t even believe in extraterrestrials until a few days ago. I didn’t think that there was enough evidence for the reasons I just told you. But now I believe. Now that I’ve seen them with my own eyes, I cannot deny them any longer. The aliens have come. They are here. We fought them ourselves. Everyone will have to keep fighting them until they are defeated. We cannot let them kill or kidnap any more humans.”
Wills looked at him in amazement. She had never seen him talk so seriously.
“You sound like you have really thought this over.” The driver replied. “Have you done any research on this subject? Do you know how we can beat them?”
“I’ve done a lot of reading about it.” Casey continued. “I’m not just a cop, you know. I have interests in other things. I just never thought that I’d actually meet aliens face-to-face.”
“I myself believed in them even before they arrived.” Wills commented. “I thought that there was some evidence that they existed. I needed less convincing than you. Now that I have seen them, I am really disappointed. I thought that they might be intelligent creatures who could teach us a lot. I thought that they could help us improve the lives of the people of earth. However, now I have found that I was sadly mistaken. These aliens are just as violent and cruel as some of the leaders of earth. From what I have seen, all they want to do is conquer and exploit us.”
“Still, in spite of everything which has happened, I believed that we should keep our minds open about this.” J.C. said. “Even though these aliens are bad, that don’t mean that all extraterrestrials wish us harm. Some of them from other worlds may actually be good. There may be other aliens out there who want to help us. There might even be good giant chickens, too. Just because there are a few bad eggs, they may not spoil the whole bunch. We may not be able to judge every giant chicken by the actions of a few. Considering all of the damage they have done, that may be hard to do.”
“I don’t think that I could trust them again.” His partner replied. “Maybe if I see an honest giant chicken, then I won’t arrest him. As far as I’m concerned, they are all enemies now.”
“Yes, we must assume that now.” Casey agreed. “Unless they can prove otherwise, we shall oppose them. I think the problem is that we might not have too many opportunities to stop them.”
“Do you think that they might kill us all?” Wills asked.
Her partner shook his head. “No, I don’t think that’s the problem. I believe hat they might not be here very much longer. They may take what they want and leave. I would hate to see them get away after all of the trouble they have caused. Unless they have plans to take over the country, I think that they will try to escape soon.”
“But we’ve got to stop them!” The driver protested. “We’ve been driving for miles without seeing them. Hw can we find them?”
J.C. rested his head on his hand. He appeared to be thinking deeply. Either that or else he was falling asleep.
“Casey!” She yelled. “What are we going to do?”
He remained quiet for a moment. Then he snapped his fingers. “Think. If you were a chicken, where would you go?”
“If I was a …” Wills began. “Now listen, mister. This is no time for jokes!”
“Look, I’m not joking.” He replied. “This is serious. In order for us to find them, we’ve got to have some idea about where they might be. So, I’ll ask you again. If you were a chicken, where would you go?”
She thought about it for a few seconds.
“Let me see…Ned Brown’s chicken farm?”
“Well, we know that they were there once.” Casey said. “But I talked to Bradley a few minutes ago on the radio and he didn’t see anything there now. They must be somewhere else now.”
“How about Aunt Mae’s processing plant?” She suggested. “They’ve got a lot of chickens. Although none of them went there voluntarily.”
“Well, we could go there.” He agreed. “But that’s not very close to where we are now. There’s one other place where I think we should look.”
“And where’s that?”
“Henderson’s Worm Farm!” J.C. exclaimed. “Let’s go!”
“I guess that makes sense.” Wills said. “And it is nearby. Let’s take a look.”
She was about to pull out into an intersection. Suddenly, a truck pulled out in front of her.
“He just ran through a stop sign!” She remarked angrily. “That guy must have some nerve to do that in front of us.”
Wills turned on her flashers, turned on the siren, and started chasing the truck.
“That’s them! That’s them!” Casey yelled. “Keep following them!”
“You’re right!” She screamed. “Look at that!”
A giant chicken was standing in the back of the fleeing vehicle. He didn’t seem to be the least bit bothered by the police car behind him. In fact, he was leisurely eating worms out of a large wooden box.
“I recognize that truck now.” He exclaimed. “That’s from Henderson’s Worm Farm. I bet that’s where they’re headed.”
The cruiser continued to pursue the truck. The policemen repeatedly tried to pass the vehicle so that they could cut them off. However, the truck kept blocking their way.
“We’ve trapped them, now!” Wills announced as the two autos turned onto another road. “There’s no way out of this area except from this road.”
Casey was busy relaying the information on his cell phone. He told the dispatcher about their location and asked for backup.
The giant chicken in the back of the truck was beginning to get angry. He shook his wings rapidly and crowed loudly. Then he started throwing boxes of worms at the cruiser.
“That turkey’s gonna pay!” The driver muttered as the wood, dirt, and worms crashed upon the hood of their car.
Then the bad bird grabbed a large, round object from the back of the truck. It looked like an egg, except that it was as big as a basketball. Suddenly, the feathered fiend hurled the object at the cops.
“Look out!” Casey yelled. “We’re being shelled!”
The round, white thing crashed upon the hood of their car. It broke open and it looked like one huge raw egg as it dripped all over. The policemen were concerned that it might be some sort of bomb. Wills tried to use the windshield wipers to get it off the car, but the “egg” stuck firmly where it had landed. It really stunk.
“Man, this must be the mother of all rotten eggs!” She complained as she brushed the fumes away from her face.
“Stop the car!” J.C. yelled. “We’ve got to get out! This stuff is giving off some kind of poison gas!”
Wills pulled over to the side of the road. The policeman quickly got out and ran away from their vehicle. The giant chicken crowed with delight as the truck disappeared into the distance. The giant “egg” burned the car like it was some kind of acid. The cruiser burst into flames as a big, yellow “yolk” dissolved the hood and ate up the engine.
Casey scratched his head. “Looks like the yolk’s on us!” He remarked.
His partner gave him a stern look of disapproval.
“Oh, forget about it!” Wills muttered. “We can walk to the Henderson farm from here.”
As the two police officers were approaching the farm, a large number of military forces were speeding toward Littleville. Tanks, jeeps, personnel carriers, and other army vehicles of every description were headed to the area. Helicopters flew overhead. Dozen of paratroopers jumped out of planes and landed in fields nearby. They searched the land thoroughly for any signs of the giant chickens.
General Shelton sat in the rear seat of his personal jeep. His chauffeur was driving him to the command post in the town. This high-ranking officer was aware of the seriousness of the situation. He had been in the army for over thirty years. He had been involved in several different military actions, including three wars. However, he knew that this operation would be completely different from anything he had ever done before. He had never fought invaders in his own homeland before. And most certainly, he had never faced any enemy as unusual as this one.
He surveyed his troops in the field. He listened to an aide delivering a status report. He felt that the situation could be under control soon. However, he didn’t want to take any unnecessary risks. He didn’t want to put his men in harm’s way if he didn’t have a good reason. That’s why he wanted to know as much as possible about the aliens. He was interested in any information which could give him an advantage over them.
The general was a short, well-built man. His grey hair was cut short. He had frequent haircuts to keep it that way. He rarely smiled. He always had a look of serious concentration on his face. He appeared to be the kind of person who would be willing to pull his gun out of the holster at a moment’s notice if there was the need to use it. He was a man who was always on his guard.
The commander’s jeep pulled up outside of the command center. After a few customary salutes with the guards on duty, the general was escorted into the building.
It was there he met the commanding officer at the post, Major Minor. Charles Minor was a rising officer in his late thirties. He was a tall, lean man with dark hair in a crew cut. He was very concerned abut achieving success in this mission. He knew that if the aliens were quickly defeated, he could get a promotion and would not have be called Major Minor anymore.
The general entered the room and everyone there saluted him. The major was the first officer to address him.
“General Shelton, we are very glad to see you, sir!” He announced as he stood at attention.
“At ease, major.” The general replied. “I want to hear the latest report on this operation.”
“Very good, sir!” Major Minor said. “At this moment, we are conducting a thorough sweep of the area. Our men have orders to capture any of the enemy they might find. Any resistance to being captured will result in retaliation. There will be no compromises with them, sir.”
“Good.” His commanding officer stated. “And how is the situation on the battlefield?”
Major Minor took a small stick and started pointing to various markers on a nearby map.
“We have had several sightings of the enemy in the area, sir. Here, here, and here. There is a bit of good news. Our patrols have determined that the invasion is not widespread. We believe that only this town and the immediate surrounding area has been attacked, sir.”
The general examined the map carefully. “What about casualty reports? He asked.
“I am proud to say that we have not lost any servicemen yet, sir.” The major replied. “However, we do not have any estimates on civilian causalities at this time, sir.”
“Have we captured any of the enemy, yet?” The commanding officer inquired.
“Only one, sir.” Major Minor answered. “Except for a single prisoner, the enemy simply refused to surrender. If you’ll excuse the expression, they fight like mad ducks, sir.”
“I excuse that expression, major.” General Shelton said. “I want to see this bird. Is he being held nearby?”
“Yes, sir!” The major stated. “Right this way, sir!”
The officers walked to another building nearby. It was the Littleville sheriff’s office. They then proceeded to go to the lockup area.
All of the other prisoners had been moved out of the jail. The military authorities didn’t want them to have any contact whatsoever with the alien.
Major Minor stopped at one of the solitary confinement cells. “There he is, sir. A real illegal alien, sir.”
The general looked at the other officer sternly. At first, he thought that the major was attempting to make some kind of joke. He could tell by one glance that the suspect was a sick chicken, not an ill eagle. The bad bird was bound up in a large straightjacket.
“Budkbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” The prisoner wailed. He looked around the walls of his cell.
“I’ve never seen anything like that!” The commanding officer exclaimed. “What is he saying?”
“I don’t know, sir.” The major admitted. “However, we have one of the best translators in the army working on the problem. We are positive that soon we shall be able to understand the language known as Chickenese.”
The general looked at him sternly.
“Sir! I’m sorry, sir, that I forgot to say sir, sir!” Major Minor apologized.
“That’s quite alright.” General Shelton replied. “But I want to meet this translator. Could you send him to me?”
“Yes, sir! Right away, sir!” I’ll be right back, sir!” The major announced as he walked down the hallway.
The commanding officer continued to watch the feather fiend through the protective glass. What an ugly creature! No wonder he’s so miserable.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” The bad bird continued to moan.
The major returned shortly with another man. This guy was short with thick glasses and dark curly hair.
“General, I’d like you to meet Sgt. Pepper, sir. He’s one of our best translators, sir.”
The sergeant saluted him.
“At ease, sergeant.” The commanding officer ordered. “Have you had any success in figuring out what that guy is saying?”
“Well, sir, his language is nothing I’ve ever encountered before, sir.” Sgt. Pepper explained. “There are a lot of chirps and squawks and crowing and cackling and…”
“Get on with it, man!” The general interrupted. “Have you found if all means anything?”
“I was just getting to that, sir.” The sergeant continued. “I’ve put together a transcript on what he might be saying. Here it is!”
He handed the commanding officer several handwritten notes.
“What’s this? Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa! Chirp! Chirp! Cockdoodledoo?” He asked.
“That part is the English phonetical spelling of their language, sir.” Sgt. Pepper explained. “I’ve tried to translate what he has said in this part here. It may not be exactly what the giant chicken meant but it’s the best that we can do at this time, sir.”
The general started reading the next section aloud.
“Bring me my wingdat! Too froos to glue! Baste me! Taste me, good buddy! Feed me, boy! I want it now! Hot! Hot! It feels so good! I’ll fly the coop! Touch me with your long slender…Feed me! Feed me! I know that you need me! Come here, big boy! Show me what you’ve got!” What is this? Is this some kind of joke, sergeant?” He snapped.
“No, sir.” The translator replied. “That’s exactly what I believe he is saying. I admit that there might be some errors in the translation. However, for the most part, I think that this prisoner is just babbling a lot in an attempt to confuse us. He may not tell us anything. He might be saying these things because he believes that we cannot understand him anyway. I wouldn’t expect him to be cooperative. He may go on like this as longas he thinks that he can fool us, sir.”
“Have you tried communicating with him?” The commanding officer asked. “Can you speak any of his language yet?”
“I have attempted that, sir.” Sgt. Pepper answered. “I have spoken to him several times in his own language. Please allow me to demonstrate, sir.”
He picked up the microphone and cleared his voice.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa! Cookadoodledoo! Cackle! Cackle!” He crowed.
The men watched the giant chicken closely in order to gauge his reaction. The bad bird looked around the cell and remained quiet for a few seconds. Then he started cackling and crowing loudly.
“There he goes again, sir.” The translator said. “He just doesn’t take these interrogations very seriously. “He’s saying much of the same nonsense that he said before. I believe this guy will be no help to us in our battle with the aliens, sir.”
The general nodded his head. “That may be so. However, I want to make sure that this alien receives the best of care. So far, he’s our only link to life beyond this planet, so I want him to remain as healthy as possible. Maybe after we win this battle, we can get this feathered fellow and his friends to cooperate.”
“Very good, sir.” Sgt. Pepper agreed.
“General Shelton, sir!” Major Minor suddenly broke in. “There is a group of officers outside the building. They are waiting for you to address them, sir.”
“Well, why didn’t you say so?” The commanding officer barked. “I will see them at once. We’ve got a battle to win and I can’t be delayed any longer. Carry on, sergeant. Keep up the good work!” He said as he left with major.
“Yes, sir! Very good, sir!” The translator replied.
He looked at the transcripts. There was so much at stake here. He knew that he had the opportunity to become the first man to decipher an alien language. He could make history. If he succeeded, he might become famous. He could also get founding for further research. He might get a lucrative book deal. He might receive an honorary degree. Then he could go from being Sgt. Pepper to becoming Dr. Pepper!”
When the major and the general left the building, they found a large group of soldiers standing outside.
“It looks like it’s time for me to give another pep talk.” The commanding officer said to his subordinate as he walked up to the podium.
After a few introductory remarks, General Shelton got to the heart of his speech.
“Our air patrols have determined that the invasion is not widespread. We believe that only this town and the immediate surrounding area has been attacked. We know that capabilities of our enemies and we can defeat them. Right?”
“Right! Sir!” All of the officers chanted in unison.
“So, what do we want?” He asked the audience.
“Victory, sir!”
“When do we want it?”
“Now, sir!”
“Are we going to get it?”
“Yes, sir!”
“Are we going to give it to them?”
“Yes, sir!”
“Are we men or are we chickens?”
“Men, sir!”
“Then let’s do our manly thing and eggs-terminate their fowl butts!” The general shouted.
“We will, sir! Hooray!”
The battle which followed was one of the most unusual in the military history of America. While most of the giant chickens had retreated back to their spaceship, the few which were left put up a ferocious fight. They shot up a number of eggs-plosive devices at the troops. However, most of these missed their intended targets. One marine lobbed a grenade at one of the feathered fiends. The bird mistook the bomb for an egg and picked it up. He learned too late from his mistake. The bomb exploded and sent parts of him high into the air. A storm of feathers also blew into the street. Some townspeople found various pieces of the beast.
“Look, I found a wing!” Al exclaimed. He held up a ragged prize.
“Wow! What a drumstick!” Ed remarked as he picked up one of the bad bird’s legs. The part looked so big, plump, and juicy. Ht almost felt like he had an appetite for meat again.
One woman looked pleased with her find. She help up he chicken part so that everyone could see it.
“Look, everybody! I got a breast.” She bragged.
Soon all of the remaining feathered fiends were being run out of town. No one was afraid of them anymore. In fact, many people wanted to help the army track them down. A cook from Eagleberger’s restaurant was looking for the in the woods. He was armed with a shotgun and a huge book of chicken recipes. An officer named Colonel Santers spotted one of the birds in a nearby forest. He took a large pitch fork and ran after that giant chicken. However, the alien managed to get away from him. The colonel was sorely disappointed. He had been very hungry.
CHAPTER SIX
Meanwhile, Wills and Casey had made it to Henderson’s worm farm. They were hiding in some woods on a nearby hill. The two officers watched as the giant chickens loaded supplies onto their spaceship.
“I’ve called the army for help.” J.C. said as he hung up his cell phone. “They know our position now and they’ll be here as soon as possible.”
“But can they get here in time?” Wills asked. “These turkeys could take off any minute. Isn’t there anything we can do to stop them now?”
Her partner looked at his gun. He carefully checked to see how much ammunition was left.
“The problem is that there are so many of them.” He replied. “I’m low on ammo. I only have two bullets left. How about you?”
The woman examined her weapon. “Darn! Well, at least you have twice as many as I do!”
“Say, did you hear something?” Casey commented. “I think that someone may be watching us.”
Wills tried to remain as quiet as possible. She heard some noises also. It sounded like something was walking through the forest. The sounds kept getting louder.
“Quick! Behind this rock!” Her partner beckoned. She joined Casey by a large boulder. They scanned the woods carefully. Suddenly, they spied a large shape moving toward them. By this time, the sky had become so dark that they could barely see what was going on. At first, the thing looked like a big shadow in the distance. The officers breathed quietly as it approached them. J.C. gritted his teeth. For a moment, he thought that the unknown being had seen him. However, he soon found out that the unidentified creature was starting to pass by their hiding place. The thing in the dark stopped abruptly. As it watched the aliens below, Casey decided to make his move. He snuck out from behind the rock, tackled the stranger, and pinned him to the ground.
“I got him! I got him!” He announced in glee. Wills joined him to see what was going on.
“Uff! Oh!” The captured one muttered.
“J.C., Are you alright?” His partner asked.
“I’m fine!” He replied. “Just shine the flashlight on this guy and see who he is.”
Wills flashed a light in the stranger’s face. At first, she thought that the thing was a giant chicken. It was as large as a human and was covered in feathers. However, there was something that was not quite right about it.
“O.K. I give up!” The prisoner mumbled.
“Hey, he knows English!” She remarked. “None of the other ones have said anything like that!”
Casey was still holding the being down firmly.
“That’s probably one of his giant chicken tricks!” He said. “I’ll bet that he learned the language form our TV broadcasts. And now he wants to trick us into thinking that he’s a good guy. Well, it isn’t going to happen. I won’t be fooled again. I think I’ll turn this turkey into mincemeat!”
“No, wait!” The thing whined.
“Just a minute, here!’ Wills broke in. she reached down, grabbed the neck of the creature, and pulled its head right off! Then she flashed the light in the spot where the head had been. They saw a man’s face there. The beast was Roy in his giant chicken costume!
“Hey! You’re no chicken!” Casey exclaimed. He got up and freed the man.
“Well, thanks a lot!” Roy said indignantly. He got up and brushed the dirt out of his feathers.
“I hope that you treat people a lot better than you treat birds.” He added.
“Look, I’m sorry if I ruffled your feathers.” J.C. laughed. “But you look just like the enemy. Your costume is very convincing.”
Wills was a little upset. She felt that Roy had been trying to scare them.
“Don’t you know that we might have killed you for wearing an outfit like this?” She scolded him. “What are you doing here anyway?”
“Oh, I’m just spying on them.” Roy replied. “There are so many giant chickens around here that I am safer in disguise.”
Casey looked at fake fowl closely. He scratched his head thoughtfully.
“Say, you’ve just given me an idea.” He commented “Why don’t we…” J.C. whispered his plan to the others.
Soon afterwards, a giant chicken walked out of the woods. He started mingling with the other feathered fiends. There were so many other bad birds on the farm that no one suspected that he was any different. The fake fowl tried to observe as much as possible. He saw some other aliens going in and out of the barn. The bogus bird then decided to see what was going on over there.
Suddenly, a giant chicken looked right at him and started talking.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” the bad bird clucked to him. In Chickenese, he was asking, “How are you today?”
The bogus bird was quiet for a few seconds. He didn’t know any words in the alien language. However, he knew that he had to say something quickly or else his cover might be blown.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” The fake fowl managed to blurt out. All he could do was to imitate the sounds that the other bad birds were making. If he had known Chickenese, he would have known that he had said, “Terrible! I’m the worst!”
The giant chicken laughed hardily when he heard that response. Then he went his own way.
The alien imposter then walked into the barn. He was amazed at what he saw there. Several dozen humans were being held prisoner in a large makeshift cage. Fortunately, only two bad birds were guarding them. The bogus bird knew that he had to act quickly. He noticed that one of the feathered fiends had a ring of keys on his belt. Could they open the cage? He slowly walked over to the cage keeper.
The feathered fiend looked at him sternly. “Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” He demanded. That was Chickenese for “What do you want, chicken?”
The fake fowl said nothing for a few seconds. He knew that delaying would not help him much. However, he didn’t want to blurt out anything foolish. All he really needed was to get his hands on those keys. He beckoned the feathered fiend to come closer.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” The bogus bird managed to mumble. He didn’t know what he said. In Chickenese, his words sounded like “Your mother was a big fat ostrich!”
When he heard that, the giant chicken jailer became very angry. He started snarling and snorting. He shook his wing angrily at the newcomer.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” The bad bird clucked at him. In Chickenese, that meant “You’re looking for a fat beak, buster?”
The alien imposter didn’t try to explain. At this time, he knew that if he said anything more, it would just be a bunch of nonsense. He knew that actions speak louder than words anyway. He just grabbed a rake which was lying nearby and slammed it on that feathered fiend’s head as hard as he could. The alien fell to the ground in a heap. The bogus bird then snatched the keys off of the belt and ran over to the cage door. The prisoners eyed him suspiciously.
“It’s alright, everyone.” The costumed chicken exclaimed. “It’s me, officer Casey! I’m in disguise. I’ve come to get you out!”
By this time, the other giant chicken had taken notice of him. The bad bird seemed to be fumbling around for his weapon. J.C. managed to open one of the cages.
“Look out!” Dean yelled.
Casey turned around to see the feathered fiend grinning at him. He had found a gun and was pointing it at him.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” The beast snarled at him.
The officer didn’t need a translation. He slowly raised his wings in the air.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” The alien again clucked at him. The giant chicken looked so upset that Casey didn’t seem to understand what he was saying. The bad bird took two steps toward him and stepped on the rake. The handle of the tool shot up and hit him right in the beak!
The policeman saw his chance. He immediately tackled the feathered fiend and wrestled him to the ground. The two struggled to gain control over the weapon.
Meanwhile, the human prisoners were starting to escape. Hemington, Henderson, Scrounge, and several of the others had already gotten out of the cage. Hemington went to help Casey. He managed to pry the gun out of the bad bird’s grip. With the help of Scrounge, the three men managed to beat that alien senseless.
Henderson noticed that the other giant chicken was starting to get up. He quickly grabbed a shovel off of the wall and knocked that beast on the head. The fowl creature collapsed on the ground again.
“If that cock was looking for a fat beak, he sure found it!” The worm farmer laughed.
The men proceeded to tie up their prisoners as securely as possible. By this time, all of the human captives had been released.
“Are there any more human prisoners around here?” Casey asked.
“I think there may be more inside the spaceship.” Dean replied.
“I don’t have much ammo. Does anyone know where I can get some guns?” the officer asked.
“This is my farm.” Henderson answered. “I’ve got a rack full of rifles in my living room.”
“Great.” J.C. said. “You take everyone here to safety inside the house. I looked at it earlier and I don’t think that any aliens are there. If any of you can shoot, we’re going to have the biggest turkey hunt that anyone’s ever seen.”
“Let’s go out the back way.” The worm farmer suggested. “If we travel along the fences, I think that we can make it to the house without being seen. I’ll lead the way.”
The humans followed him to the rear of the barn. Scrounge, Hemington, Bruno, and the others were close behind. Casey stayed in the rear to make sure that no one was left behind.
At that moment, they heard some clucking sounds back at the front door.
“Go on to the house. I’ll try to keep them busy so that you can escape.” J.C. ordered.
“Look out. Be careful.” Dean advised him.
“You just take care of the others and I’ll take care of them.” The policeman told him.
Casey went back to the cage area. He found two more giant chickens there. The new birds had discovered the two who had just been tied up. They were about to undo the rope when the officer decided he had to attack.
He whacked one of the feathered fiends over the head with a long wooden pole. That got their attention. He managed to clobber the other one in the belly. The aliens grabbed for their weapons, but the officer quickly knocked them out of their wings. The giant chickens tried to rush toward him. He was able to hit each one several times with the ends of his pole. One of the bad birds grabbed a pitch fork nearby and attempted to stab him with it. Casey blocked the blow with his stick. He used the pole to divert the pitchfork from himself and into the other chicken.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” J.C. crackled with delight. He didn’t know it, but he had just said, “Your old lady was a c--- sucker!”
The feathered fiend tried to rush toward him again. He used the pole to vault against one of them with such force that the alien fell to the ground. When his attacker attempted to get up, he pushed the rod between the bad bird’s legs and knocked him down. The other alien ran toward him. However, this chicken tripped on the rake. He got knocked in the head with that tool and lost his balance. His buddy ran toward Casey again. However, the officer pulled a tarpelin out from under big scaly feet. The bad bird collapsed to the ground with a crash. By this time, both of the aliens appeared to be too dazed to continued fighting.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!”
J.C. turned around and saw still another giant chicken standing by the door. This one was smiling as he had his weapon pointed straight at the officer. Casey knew that his goose might be cooked now. He slowly raised his wings as a gesture of surrender.
Suddenly a shot rang out. Casey didn’t feel wounded. However, he looked on his costume for any signs of blood. There were none. Instead, the bad bird who had had the drop on him dropped himself.
“J.C., are you alright?” A voice in the darkness asked.
The man in the chicken suit looked in the shadows. Wills came out with a smoking gun in her hands.
He breathed a sigh of relief. “Thanks, partner. I thought I was a dead duck for sure!”
“Well, at least you would have looked like one.” She replied. “Did you think that I wouldn’t back you up?”
“I know better now.” He answered. “We’ve got to stop them from taking any other prisoners with them. I’m the only one who can get on that spaceship. I’ll try to stop them from taking off. There are more weapons in the farmhouse if you need another one.”
Wills looked at him with concern in her eyes.
“Be careful.” She advised.
“Aren’t I always? I’m practically Mr. Level-Headed.”
He stepped toward the door, but he stepped on the rake. The handle bounced up and hit him on his bogus beak. Casey fell to the floor.
His partner ran to his side and helped him get up.
“Are you alright?” She asked.
“Only my pride is hurt.” He sighed. “But I’m used to that.”
Meanwhile, Henderson and the other humans were making their way to his farmhouse. They hid behind the fences along the way. When they saw a giant chicken pass by, they quickly crouched in the shadows. Fortunately, the feathered fiend didn’t notice them.
“The coast is clear.” The worm farmer whispered to the others. “Everyone follow me to the house, now.”
Scrounge, Hemington, Bruno, Dean, and the rest of the humans were right behind him. Henderson opened the door and the group went inside.
Dean fumbled with the light switch. The rooms remained dark.
“The electricity must be out.” He observed.
“This is all the better for us.” Hemington remarked. “This way, they won’t see us. We’ll be safer.”
“Ouch!” Scrounge yelled. “What is that thing?”
“I see you found my cactus.” Henderson answered. “Now please keep your voices down, everyone. We don’t want to give away our location.”
Scrounge rubbed his wound. “Just let us know if you have any snake pits around here.” He said. “I can hardly see anything in this darkness.”
“We’ll be alright as soon as I find my flashlight.” The worm farmer replied. “Darn!” Everyone heard the sound of objects being shuffled around.
“What is that?” Bruno asked.
“I could find my flashlight if I had a flashlight.” Henderson muttered.
“Do you have any food?” Scrounge asked. “I’m starved. They didn’t give me anything except chicken feed in the pen.”
“The kitchen is that way.” The worm farmer answered as he pointed. However, the room was still too dark to see where he had pointed.
“Thanks! I’ll find it.” Scrounge said. “I’ll just follow my nose.” He stumbled out of the room.
“Is this the gun rack?” Hemington asked as he felt a large wooden display case on the wall.
“Yes, that’s it.” Henderson replied. “Now where did I put my key to this thing?”
“Under the circumstances, I think that we should break it open right now.” The hunter stated. “You never know when those giant chickens are going to come after us here.”
“Just a minute, I’m getting it.” The worm farmer responded. He started fumbling with the door on the display case. “There, that’s it. Now be careful. I don’t want anyone hurt.”
“Don’t worry.” Hemington chuckled. “The only thing that I want to hit is one of those bad birds out there.” He looked at Dean. “Have you ever handled a gun before, boy?”
“Do squirt guns count?” Dean asked.
“It’s a shame. You don’t know what you’re missing.” The hunter sighed.
Scrounge re-entered the room. He was making eating sounds.
“Oh, did you find the guns? Great!” He exclaimed.
Unexpectedly, he reached into the gun rack and pulled out a large shotgun.
“Wow! This feels like a beauty!” He remarked. “Is it loaded?”
Suddenly, a loud blast shook the room.
Scrounge set the gun down. “Oh, I guess it was. Sorry.”
“Keep your hands off that gun, you fool, before someone gets hurt!” Hemington yelled at him. “You didn’t hit anyone, did you? Is everyone all right?” He grabbed the shotgun out of the other man’s hands.
Nobody in the dark said anything. If anyone had been shot dead, they weren’t complaining.
“I said I was sorry.” Scrounge whined. “I couldn’t help it. The gun just kind of went off.”
“Just don’t do it again!” Henderson snapped. “O.K?”
“O.K.” Scrounge replied meekly.
“Here’s some ammunition.” The worm farm said as he handed a box to the hunter. “Load up your gun. It’s time for chicken hunting season!”
“All right!” Hemington exclaimed as he cocked his rifle.
In the barn, Wills and Casey watched the spaceship. There was a flurry of activity around it. Giant chickens were quickly loading supplies on board.
“I’ve got to get on that ship.” J.C. exclaimed. “If it takes off now, we may never get another chance to stop it again. There may be other human prisoners on board. I might able to free them without getting caught.”
“But isn’t the army coming?” Wills asked. “Shouldn’t we wait until they get here?”
“That might be too late.” The bogus bird replied. I’ve got to do something now while I still have the opportunity.”
“Oh, J.C. Be careful.” She said.
For the first time, he felt that she really felt concerned about him. They embraced briefly.
“Thanks, partner. I will.” Casey said. Then he left the barn and waddled on over toward the eggship. If you want to be brave, you have to be a chicken, I guess.”
Although he was still disguised as an alien, J.C. still felt nervous about mingling with the bad birds. He looked a little different from them. But he had fooled them so far. Maybe he could keep up that act a little longer. He also still did not know any Chickenese.
I guess I’ll just have to wing it. He thought as he joined a group of feathered fiends.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” One of the roosters crowed. The other aliens burst into laughter. Casey joined in by imitating their sounds.
Even if I can’t understand anything, maybe I can still fit in. if I look like a chicken, maybe everyone will think I am a chicken!
The bad birds were picking up some boxes. The fake feathered fiend did the same. Then they took those supplies and walked up a ramp into the spaceship.
Just as J.C. was about to get on a ramp, a giant chicken stopped him.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa?” The bad bird asked him. In Chickenese, he said, “Hey, buddy, who was that chick I saw you with last night?”
Casey thought quickly. Then he replied, “Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” which actually meant, “That no chick, that my wife!”
The feathered fiend laughed and walked away. Whew, that was a close one. I almost blew my cover there. I guess I can say clever things even if I don’t know what they mean.
Once he got board the eggship, the policeman was fascinated by what he saw. The walls of the craft seemed to glow with soft, white lighting. There were various buttons and knobs everywhere. Brightly colored lights were blinking and flashing on various machines.
He followed the aliens down a hallway. When they passed an observation window, he stopped and observed. He was amazed by what he saw there. That room contained the biggest giant hen he had ever seen . it must have been fifteen feet tall and it was still sitting down! As the hen remained on her nest, several large eggs dropped out of a chute beneath her. They rolled out onto a conveyor belt where they were examined by giant chicken egg inspectors. The white objects were then taken to a giant chicken eggubater. Some of them were hatching there.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” a voice yelled loudly. Casey was so startled that he nearly jumped out of his costume. He thought that someone was pecking on him again. He looked up and realized that the voice was only coming out of a nearby loudspeaker.
The officer kept moving down the hallway. There was another observation window nearby, so he decided to take a look through that as well.
He took one glance and he was shocked. It was a storeroom, but it was the most horrible one he could imagine. It was an area for storing human body parts! There were boxes of legs, arms, torsos, and other parts for as far as he could see. As he was watching, an alien pushed a cart by the window. It was filled with human heads!
“Ugh!” He gasped and looked away. Casey sighed sadly. Maybe there were no survivors on board.
Suddenly, he saw a giant chicken approaching him. He decided to remain calm and not to cluck unless clucked to. There was something familiar about this bird. The policeman didn’t recognize him as anyone he had fought with earlier. But that tie…those glasses…then he knew!”
“McFeather? Is that you?” He asked. Casey was so surprised, he spoke English instead of making the fake clucking noises. He was ever more surprised when the bird nodded his head and answered him.
“Yes, I am McFeather.” The birdman admitted. “Who are you? Do you know more English?”
“Do you remember me?” J.C. asked. “I’m Officer Casey! My partner Wills arrested you at the demonstration. I’m in disguise now so I won’t end up on some menu! But what are you doing here?”
McFeather sighed and explained. “They captured me and turned me into a chicken man!”
The policeman couldn’t help chuckling, “Well, I always knew you were yellow!”
Then he quickly apologized. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that. Listen, can you help me? Do you know if there are any other humans on this ship?”
McFeather shook his head. “Unless you count the dead ones, there’s only you and I. And I don’t even know if I count as human anymore.” He stared at the floor sadly. “You can change and I can’t. I might be stuck this way unless…”
He shuffled his feet as J.C. considered his options.
“I’ve got it!” McFeather exclaimed. “Casey, could you do me a favor? I want to get out of here!”
“It depends. Considering your appearance, wouldn’t you rather be happier with the giant chickens?” The policeman asked.
“No! No!” The birdman protested. “I want to be human again. I’ve had enough of being a chicken. If you come with me, I’ll show you how to change me back. Will you do it?”
J.C. nodded. “Agreed. But you have to help me stop them from taking off, right?”
McFeather nodded. “Come on, then. It’s this way.”
At that moment, Col. Cluck was at the spaceship control center. He was surrounded by various giant chicken advisors.
“Colonel, the earthmen military units are rapidly surrounding this area, sir.” One aide commented.
Col. Cluck stared at the monitors. “Very well. Prepare to blast off!”
By this time, General Shelton could see the eggship in his binoculars. He was so fascinated by its appearance that he had to be interrupted.
“General, sir. All units are in place. We are awaiting your decision, sir.” Major Minor reported to him.
“Very good, major. We’re right where we want to be.” The commanding officer replied.
“You orders, sir?” The major asked.
“My orders come directly from the Pentagon, major. We are to make every effort to capture that spaceship intact. That means not firing on them until we have given them every opportunity to surrender. Is that clear, major?”
“Yes sir!” The subordinate officer agreed.
“Now we shall try to communicate with these creatures and tell them that we mean them no harm if they cooperate with us. We want to make peace with them. We understand that their initial reaction to us was not a positive one.”
“Not a positive one, sir?” The major commented. “Why, sir, they tried to kill or capture as many humans as possible. In my humble opinion, their confrontations with us have been extremely hostile. Can we really hope to negotiate anything with them, sir?”
“We must certainly make an effort, major.” The general answered. “I agree that there has been some misunderstanding between their side and ours. However, we must keep on trying to reach some type of agreement. These are not the ordinary type of criminals we have dealt with before. If they were terrorists, we would have overrun them by now. But these guys are unlike any others. If we merely destroy them, we will have accomplished nothing. In fact, other allies of theirs may retaliate against us in such a way that the damage the have already done up to now may look like nothing in comparison. So, that’s why we need to take a cautious approach. Is that understood, major?”
“Yes sir.” Major Minor said meekly.
“Good.” The commanding officer continued. “Now Sgt. Pepper has prepared a special message to be broadcast to the giant chickens, or whatever they call themselves. We will try to communicate with them in their own language. Perhaps we can start some sort of dialogue. However, if they try to resist us or try to escape, we shall be forced to use force against them.
“Very good, sir.” The major replied.
At that time, an announcement was broadcast to the spaceship. Using huge megaphones, the imitative sounds of Chickenese were heard all over the Henderson farm. The bad birds stopped what they were doing and listened in amazement.
General Shelton continued to observe the spaceship with his binoculars.
“We’ve got their attention, now.” He exclaimed. “This could be the moment we’ve been waiting for. Our first communication with intelligent extra-terrestrials in their own language.’
The giant chickens continued to listen to the message. When the announcement was completed, they looked at each other in silence for a few moments. Then they started cackling.
The general watched the aliens on his monitor. Then he talked on his cell phone.
“Sgt. Pepper, can you hear me?...yes…Can you understand what they are saying?...What is their response?...Damn!” He hung up the phone in anger.
“Your orders, sir? Major Minor asked.
“Keep observing the aliens. And make a sweep outside this immediate area for any remaining human survivors!” The commanding officer barked.
“Yes sir.”
“Damn!”
“What is it, sir?”
“They are laughing at us! Those damn chickens aren’t taking us seriously! They think that they are more valuable to us than we are to them. They act like they don’t even care if we are here or not! They are daring us to attack them”!
“And so what should we do about them, sir?”
“We will not attack them here until we are attacked first. We are fully capable of defending ourselves. But the least they could do would be to acknowledge that they understand our message. Would that be asking too much? Of course not!”
“Maybe they will talk to us if we give them a chance, sir.” Major Minor said.
“I guess that we’ll just have to wait and see.” The general sighed.
CHAPTER SEVEN
By this time, McFeather and Casey were trying to find the machine which could turn the birdman back into a human again.
“I think it was this way.” Feather said.
The two went down a narrow hallway. Suddenly, giant chickens began to approach them from the back and front. Casey tried to get his gun. However, the weapon got lost somewhere inside his costume. Within seconds, the pair were surrounded and captured by the alien security forces.
“Oh, horsefeathers!” The policeman exclaimed as the bad birds grabbed his wings. “We’ve been caught.”
He noticed that the feathered fiends had not restrained McFeather. The birdman looked confused and helpless as Casey was beaten by the gamecocks.
A big red rooster walked up to McFeather. It was Shlong. He chuckled, patted the birdman on the back, and said, “Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” That meant, “Great job! You caught us a human. You’re really one of us now!”
McFeather was speechless.
“I…uh…” was all he could blurt out.
J.C. was furious at him.
“Why, you traitor! I’ll get you, you chicken-hearted little…”
Meanwhile, Wills was watching the eggship outside. She looked at her watch nervously. The policeman didn’t notice the huge shadow creeping up behind her. She didn’t see the large feathery wings slowly reaching for her.
“Look out!” Dean yelled.
Wills quickly turned around and saw the beast. Before the bird could make a charge at her, two shots rang out. The alien grabbed its chest in agony and collapsed to the ground.
She looked to see who fired. Henderson came toward her with a smoking gun. Dean ran up to her.
“Are you alright, ma’am?” The boy asked.
“I sure am, thanks to you fellows.” She gently patted his head. “Thanks, you’re a good lookout.”
Henderson approached them. “Are you alright, ma’am? He asked.
“I’m fine, but it’s J.C. I’m worried about. He’s taking too long. I’m afraid something might have happened to him. If only I had some way to help him.” She answered.
“Well, if it’s a weapon you need, help yourself!” The worm farmer replied as he opened up his coat. Wills stared in amazement. The man had every type of pistol imaginable tucked in the various pockets of his jacket.
“I’ve got a Magnum, Lugar….” He said as he pointed to the various guns. “Colt .45…” he took a bottle out of his pocket and took a drink.
“I’d like that one, and that one there.” The policeman said as she took the weapons. “I’m going to try to make it aboard the spaceship and see what’s happening.”
“If you’ll do that, we’ll take care of the situation out here.” Henderson replied. “I passed out all of my guns so now everyone has protection.”
“I’ve even got a gun!” Dean remarked as he held up his weapon. “See?”
“Aren’t you a little young?” Wills asked.
“Aw, it’s just a BB gun.” The boy exclaimed. “It wouldn’t kill a chicken but it might sting its hide.”
“We’ll all be safer now that we all have guns.” The worm farmer commented.
Suddenly the three heard several loud shots.
“I’m expect that the rest of our group is having a field day with these varmits!” he continued. “We haven’t have hunting this good since that time the deer population got out of control. We’ll show those scoundrels who’s chicken who’s not!”
“Just don’t hurt anybody.” Wills said as she checked her ammunition. “Now get ready to cover me.”
Dean say a trap nearby. He grabbed it and threw it on top of the policeman.
“No, no! Not that way!” Wills exclaimed as she threw off canvas. “You know what I mean, man! Stop the chickens long enough for me to get by them.”
“Ooops, sorry.” The boy apologized.
“I’ve got you covered, ma’am!” Henderson said. “You just go where you have to go and I’ll take care of those critters.” He then cocked a large shotgun. “Gun control is nuts because all the nuts control the guns, I always say!” He laughed as he started shooting at the giant chickens near the spaceship.
Under his protection, Wills started off toward the alien craft.
Meanwhile, officer Casey was in the custody of two giant chicken security guards. They had stripped off his mask to expose him as a human. Now some feathered fiend scientists were making preparations to turn the human into one of them. They were busy adjusting the knobs and the buttons of the machine which had changed McFeather into a birdman earlier.
J.C. noticed the activist was standing only a few feet away from him. He thought that most of the bad birds couldn’t understand English anyway, so he started whispering to the birdman.
“McFeather, is that the machine that changed you?”
The activist nodded.
“Listen, if you help me fight these aliens, I’ll try to change you back into a human and then we can escape.” Casey said.
The birdman shook his head. “There are too many of them. We can’t take on ten. How could we do it?”
“Don’t worry about the odds.” The policeman insisted. “I could take them on if I can surprise them in some way. I just need you to distract them long enough for me to break free and attack them.” He tried desperately not to sound too desperate.
“How can we fight them?” McFeather asked. “It’s hopeless.”
“Leave that to me. I have a black belt. Just do something before it’s too late. If they strap me into this chair, I won’t be able to help you change back.” Casey replied.
The birdman looked around nervously. He had never started a fight before in his life. He also knew that these creatures would not hesitated to kill him if they believed that his loyalty was in question. He had to decide what to do quickly.
Suddenly, there were loud noises coming from the next room. They sounded like gunshots. All of the giant chickens stopped what they were doing and started chatting among themselves as to what could be happening.
At that moment, the door to the laboratory opened. Wills was standing there with a pair of pistols in her hands. She pointed them at the feathered fiends.
“O.K. You turkeys, freeze!” the policeman yelled at the aliens. Some of the giant chickens raised their wings slowly. However, one of the bad birds grabbed the arms of Wills and tried to take the weapons out of her hands.
This is the time, thought Casey. He quickly stomped on the feet of the security guards and broke free from their grip. Another alien tried to reach for his ray gun, but McFeather grabbed his wing. As the two struggled for the weapon, it discharged and hit two of the other feathered fiends. Then the gun blew a hole in the wall and created a mist of smoke and sparks.
“Let’s get them!” J.C. yelled as he ran toward two of the bad birds. He tried to knock them over with a flying kick. However, they dodged him and he fell flat on his back.
“I thought you said that you had a black belt!” McFeather yelled at him. The birdman continued to struggle with his opponent for the possession of the ray gun.
“I did!” J.C. exclaimed. “I got it at a thrift store!” The giant chicken punched him a few times, but the cop kept hitting them back.
Meanwhile, Wills was also engaged in combat. She kicked her for between the legs and managed to break free. Then she fired wildly at the feathered fiends. She hit several of the beasts before she ran out of ammo.
Suddenly, a loud sound went off. It was like an emergency alarm. Bright red lights blinked on and off on the walls.
Casey managed to subdue his enemies by knocking them on the heads. He tried to pull the giant chicken off of McFeather, but he was knocked against the wall instead. At least he was able to get the ray gun form the clutches of the bad bird. The weapon no longer worked, though.
As the smoke and sparks filled the room, Wills became frantic.
“We’ve got to get out of here!” She exclaimed. “This whole place is going to blow!”
J.C. took a few steps toward the door, but the exit was blocked. Colonel Cluck and the big red chicken Shlong entered the room and approached the two policemen. They appeared to have large swords in their wings. However, the blades of these weapons seemed to have several moving parts.
“Buckbuckbuckaaa! Buckbuckbuckaaa!” The ship’s commander cried as he charged toward Casey. He swung his sword wildly at the cop, but missed. His aim was so bad that he accidentally chopped off the head of the bad bird who was holding McFeather. The freshly decapitated chicken let go of the birdman and started going wild. It ran all over the room and bumped into several objects as the blood spurted out of its neck.
“Ah, what’s the matter? Are you chicken?” Casey taunted Colonel Cluck.
The bad bird leader took another swipe at the officer, but missed again. This time, he smashed a control panel on the wall. More sparks came from the machine and soon the whole room was on fire.
By this time, Wills had wrestled Shlong out into the hallway. She threw a flying kick at him, but the feathered fiend was only stunned. He knocked her down and tried to stomp on her with his big feet. The policeman managed to dodge his blows. She got up and started struggling with him again. Suddenly, they smashed right through one of the walls.
Outside the eggship, the army troops watched and waited. Major Minor closely observed the spacecraft with his binoculars from the command post.
“Sir, have you seen this? There’s something wrong with that flying saucer.” He said as he handed the viewers to the general.
The commanding officer took a look.
“Holy handgrenades!” General Shelton exclaimed. “Why, it looks like that ship is not fire! I can see smoke and flames coming out of it!”
What should we do, sir? Should we try to extinguish it?” the major asked.
“No, we shall just observe it.” The general said. “It could be a trap and I don’t want to risk any more men than I have to. I’m sure the aliens know what they are doing and have the situation completely under control.”
Inside the eggship, Casey continued to battle it out with Colonel Cluck. The feathered fiend kept trying rip the policeman apart with his electric sword. But J.C. was just too fast for him. He kept dodging and ducking the blows. The bad bird leader was doing more damage to his own ship than to his enemy. His weapon was so large and unwieldy that he couldn’t control it well. His missed blows kept smashing the walls and causing more destruction.
Casey had been able to defend himself by blocking some of the attacks with a metal rod but he knew that he wasn’t in a good position to win this fight. Somehow, he had to even the odds. Suddenly, he saw his opportunity.
Just when the Colonel’s guard was down, the officer struck him with the pole as hard as he could. Then J.C. knocked the electric sword right out of his wings. He ran toward the feathered fiend at fast as he could and pinned his foe against the wall.
Colonel Cluck found himself pushed into a chair and he tried to escape. But this time, McFeather trapped him. The birdman quickly strapped the giant chicken leader down so he couldn’t move.
“Great! We’ve got him! Now let’s get out of here!” The policeman said.
“Wait, there’s something I want to do before I leave!” McFeather replied.
“That’s right. I have to change you back. But how do I do that?” Casey asked.
“But first, I want to try something else!” The birdman insisted. “I want to see how this machine works on him.” He pointed to the trapped commander.
“McFeather, this is no time for petty revenge. This place is going to blow soon. If you don’t want me to change you back right now, then I’m leaving!”
The birdman had the look of madness in his eyes. Casey knew there was no use trying to change his mind. The officer headed for the door.
“Whatever you say about me, don’t tell them I died like a chicken!” McFeather called to him.
As J.C. left, the birdman fiddled with the control panel of the transformer. He looked at Colonel Cluck and smiled.
“Don’t worry, chum. This is going to hurt me a lot more than it will hurt you.”
The chicken leader struggled to break free, but it was no use. He was securely fastened in.
McFeather found the switches he was looking for. The transformer was up and running. The colonel cried in fright as his body began to change in strange ways. His beak started to shrink. His feathers began to fall out. His feet got smaller. In just a few minutes, the metamorphosis was complete. The birdman looked at his creation in amazement. Colonel Cluck had become a human! He was an ugly bald man, but still a human nonetheless.
“Who’s the big chicken, now?” The birdman clucked. Then he cackled loudly.
Casey ran down the hallway. “Wills! Where are you?” He yelled.
“J.C.! Over here!” A voice answered.
The policeman found her. She was hanging by her fingertips on the edge of the window. Below her, the policeman saw one of the strangest sights he had ever seen. Wills was dangling over what looked like a huge, bubbling egg yolk. Of course, he thought, every eggship has to have a yolk at its core. He guessed that it was some kind of power reactor.
“Just hold on!” He told her. “I’ll get you.” He reached down to pull her up, but she was much heavier than he expected. He looked over and saw the reason. Shlong, the big red chicken, was hanging on to her legs.
“He’s pulling you down!” Casey said. “Try to kick him off!”
Wills swung her legs, but the feathered fiend held on tightly. J.C. held onto her hands, but the weight of the beast below threatened to pull all three of them into the big yolk.
“Don’t let go!” She told him. “All you have to do is held on longer than he does!”
Shlong attempted to climb up Wills, but she resisted. The bad bird grabbed her pants, but suddenly, her belt snapped apart. The alien howled as he fell into the yolk with the policeman’s pants still in his wings. Now Casey was able to pull her up. He lifted her into the hallway.
“We’ve go to get out of here!” He exclaimed.
“I can’t walk. I hurt my ankle.” She whined as she grabbed her foot.
“Don’t worry. You’re in good hands.” J.C. said as he picked her up. He carried her through the hallway and started looking for the eggs-it. There were flames and smoke everywhere by this time. The policeman coughed as he tried to remember the way out.
Outside, Major Minor continued to keep his commanding officer informed about the situation.
“Sir, the spaceship is completely ablaze. It appears to be headed for self destruction!”
“Very well, major.” General Shelton said. “Order the evacuation of troops from the area. I’m afraid that the aliens would rather destroy their own ship than let in fall into our hands!”
Casey ran down the entrance walkway with Wills in his arms. He saw Dean and Henderson watching nearby.
“Everybody get back!” He yelled. “This ship is going to blow up at any minute!”
The group ran to the safety of some woods nearby. The eggship continued to belch fire and smoke.
Suddenly, there was a huge explosion. Bits and pieces of the eggship flew in all directions.
“Look out! We’re being shelled!” Henderson yelled.
The fire in the pieces of the alien craft soon dwindled down and died. Soon, there was not much left except for smoldering ruins.
Casey still held Wills in his arms. The two watched as the last bits of the spacecraft disintegrated. She kissed him passionately.
“Oh, what was that for?” He asked.
“Silly, for saving my life.” She said.
“Will, I guess I owe you a few, too.” He returned the reward.
Dean and Henderson looked at all of the dead chickens lying around the area.
“Well, there’s sure a lot of chicken dinners here.” The boy commented.
“I wouldn’t eat them. They were not real chickens.” Henderson remarked. “If you are what you eat, you might end up becoming like them.”
There was some rustling in some nearby bushes. The worm farmer quickly pointed his rifle in that direction. “Who’s there?” He demanded.
“Don’t shoot! Don’t shoot!” A voice pleaded. Scrounge emerged from the foliage. “I got lost in the dark. Did I miss anything?”
“Only the world being saved!” Dean said.
“Oh, well. Maybe there will be a rerun.” Scrounge sighed.
“I should certainly hope not. One giant chicken invasion is all I ever want to handle!” Henderson muttered.
“Do you suppose any more of them will ever come back?” Dean asked.
“Only if there’s a sequel.” Scrounge replied.
Deep in the woods, a feathered creature escaped. He had all of his few belongings in a small knapsack. Little Cluck looked back at the ruins of the spaceship in the distance. Then he turned around and walked off into the forest.

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